Those of you who follow the news will take some comfort in reports out of Omaha, Nebraska.  As you are aware, one of the most wealthy men in the United States is Warren Buffett, who is the President and Chief Executive Officer of the Berkshire-Hathaway Organization in Omaha.  So that there is no mistake in what I am about to say, I am a Warren Buffett fan.
For some years, Mr. Buffett has pointed out the disparities in the American tax system.  Mr. Buffett makes millions or billions of dollars from his investments.  This income is taxed under the American system under the capital gains provision.  I am not an expert on the tax system but I believe that capital gains are taxed at the rate of 15%.
Now on the other hand, those who work for a living find that their tax rate is 35% of their earnings.  Much to his credit, Mr. Buffett has repeatedly pointed out that his earnings which amount to millions or billions of dollars are taxed at a lower rate than those of his secretary.  It may also be assumed that Mr. Buffett’s earnings, taxed at the lower rate, could be compared to those of the person who empties Mr. Buffett’s trash.  There is a significant difference between 35% and 15%.  How things got this way is not for me to say because I don’t know what happened.   These are the facts.
But if I were a young person starting out in life, I would set my sights on becoming a secretary to Warren Buffett.  That person must know where Warren Buffett is making his next investments.  If I were his secretary, I would have that inside information.  Now of course Mr. Buffett buys large chunks of stock whereas the secretary might have much less to invest.  Mr. Buffett’s track record has been excellent in recent years and given a choice, I would say that whatever Mr. Buffett invests in would be a good bet for me or a prospective secretary.
So if you are a young person, I would advise that you move to Omaha, Nebraska where the Berkshire-Hathaway Company is located and take up shorthand and dictation.  I expect that you must also learn some computer skills.
 
The Republicans in Congress have signed a pledge to Grover Norquist, whoever he is, that they will never ever raise taxes.  As things have worked out since this pledge was taken, it seems that there should be no change in the tax structure as well as no new taxes.  So under these circumstances, it is clear that the capital gains tax will be with us for many years to come.  In that situation, we should all stop working for a living and really invest, so that our taxes will call only for the capital gains requirements of 15%.
But in the meantime, when you have quit your job, you will need some employment to carry you over until the capital gains bonanza starts rolling in.  Under that circumstance, I would suggest that you capitalize on your secretarial skills and work toward finding a spot as Warren Buffett’s secretary.  I regret that in my long career I have always worked for a living and thus incurred the 35% tax rate.
And so it is as an act of kindness on my part that I will seek to encourage young women to sharpen their secretarial skills so that they may cash in on the Buffett bonanza.  But if I worked for the IRS, I might very well examine the tax returns for Warren Buffett’s secretary.  And from those returns, I may make some conclusions about my investments.
But the best bet is to get in line to succeed Warren Buffett’s secretary.  If Warren Buffett had come along when I was a youngster looking for a job, that is the place where I would have tried to find my fortune.  While it is too late for me to take advantage of this advice, I hope that younger fellows such as Jim Reese will take heed and become billionaires as Mr. Buffett has done.
 
E. E. CARR
October 20, 2011
Essay 585
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Kevin’s commentary: Well, if this startup I’m at doesn’t work out, I suppose I know where I’m heading. I wonder if Pop will write me a letter of recommendation. Certainly I can be as organized as a secretary. Just look at the Ezra’s Essays categorization system! It is so efficient that I can come across an essay like yesterday’s “A Ribald Hymn” and tag it as  Favorite, Language, Music, United Kingdom, and War without missing a beat or having to create any new categories. For a post that I enjoy about British soldiers singing a song the relies heavily on the word “fuck,” I’d say that’s a pretty good fit.