Umeå is an important Swedish port on the upper reaches of the Baltic Sea. The pronunciation of its name has always been in doubt for those of us who do not speak Swedish. Some English speakers call it Oomea while others refer to it as Youmea. This is quite understandable in that Swen of Umeå has assured me that one of the syllables in that word is unpronounceable by English speakers. I am no longer troubled by my inability to pronounce the name of that important city properly.
Sven Lernevall is my old and treasured friend. Umeå, of course, is Sven’s birthplace. In 1935 or thereabouts, Sven of Umeå began his study of the English language. This took place at the Hans-Sven Christian-Lars Andersson School Number One located on Birgitt Nilsson Street. As a result of years of study, Sven speaks English perfectly, as does his wife Ella. Sven’s prose in English is a joy to read. It is both entertaining and clever. So when Sven tells me that English is a rich tongue, I believe him.
In this essay, I intend to offer you examples of the richness of the English language as spoken by two Americans of African heritage. Toward the end of the essay, there will be examples of two prominent Caucasians whose English is largely abominable. Now, let us see what the first speaker has to say.
Charlie Rangel, who has represented a U.S. Congressional District in Harlem for perhaps 40 years, has a minimalist view of George Bush and his administration. Last week Charlie Rangel observed, “George Bush has exploded the myth of white supremacy forever.”
I can only say to Charlie, “That says it all.”
The second quotation comes from a fan of the Washington Redskins football team and was delivered back in 1968. In Washington, DC, there are many people who view the Redskins’ fortunes as more of a religion than an exercise in sports. I was a lobbyist for nearly four years in Washington, and every government official I contacted assumed that I had season tickets to the Redskins’ games at Griffith’s Stadium. In point of fact, I did. But those tickets had to be rationed, because there were only eight games to be played at home and I had many more contacts than that in government. Attending the Redskins’ games, I found myself sitting behind a portly woman who had a stentorian voice. This lady followed every move on the field and commented on its execution in a loud voice that could be heard through much of our section of the stadium.
Now, before I go further, it will be incumbent upon me to explain the rules of American football to my Swedish friends. As a matter of fact, I will only explain one rule, not all of them. The offensive team is given four tries, called downs, to make an advance of ten yards. A yard is 36 inches long, while a meter is 39 inches long, which will serve as a pretty good comparison. If the offensive team achieves the goal of advancing the ball ten yards or more, they are awarded with another set of downs. If they do not do this, they are forced to give up the ball. To measure the advance toward a potential first down, two men with poles linked by a ten yard chain stand on the sidelines. One man marks where the ball starts in play and the other man marks where a first down should occur. Obviously, these people are called “the chain gang.” When the referee or other officials have doubt about whether a first down has occurred, they call for the chain gang to come in and to measure the advance of the ball. And that brings us to my portly friend with the stentorian voice.
Remember I said earlier that Redskins’ fans have a religious flavor to their support of their team. On the field right in front of us, there was a dispute as to whether a Redskins’ runner had advanced the ball ten yards to a new first down. In all such situations, the referee and the head linesman go to the sidelines to the chain gang and bring the chains in to measure. That did not set well with my portly friend with the stentorian voice. She said, “Don’t f—* around with that measurin’ s—*. He made it.” For those of you who are wondering about the asterisks, the first asterisk rhymes with “luck,” and the second rhymes with “spit.”
The head linesman heard this remark by my portly friend and was convulsed. Needless to say, I almost fell out of my chair with laughter. But, as I remember it, she was absolutely right. The Redskin runner had made a new first down.
So there you have two excellent examples of the richness of the English language. Maybe the fact that both were uttered by African Americans may tell you something.
Now we turn to two examples from high officials in the American government who are Caucasian. The first is George Bush. Mr. Bush refuses to pronounce English words as they are written. An imaginary sentence from The Great Decider might go like this: “The Seketary of Defense has failed to reconize the nucular storm that causes the secular, or is it sectarian, violence in Iraq.” The fact is that English is not a rich language for George Bush. It is his nightmare.
Mr. Bush’s opponent in the 2004 election has his demerits too. In a speech a month ago, which was typed out and which was laid on the lectern before him, John Kerry made a joke to some young men that if they did not study well they would wind up in Iraq. The whole context and the whole point was aimed at George Bush. Nonetheless, after Kerry spoke, the White House claimed, without any merit, that Kerry was demeaning the troops in Iraq. They demanded an apology. Although the reference was clearly and totally to George Bush, Kerry actually apologized. That man has lost his cojones as he has served in the United States Senate.
Bush and Kerry both attended Yale University in New Haven. I have asked the Connecticut authorities to lift the university’s accreditation to teach English. These two men could not hold a candle to Charlie Rangel or to my portly friend at the Redskins’ game.
Well, there you have my thoughts about English being a rich language. I have no fluency in any foreign tongue so I must take the evaluations of Ella and Sven Lernevall seriously. I deeply regret that Sven was not sitting beside me when the portly lady delivered her lecture to the officials at the Redskins’ game. He would have considered her remarks and the words of Charlie Rangel as great additions to the richness of the English language. As far as Bush and Kerry are concerned, I can only use Charlie Rangel’s remarks as a template. I must observe that Bush and Kerry have exploded the myth of the superiority of an Ivy League education totally and forever. And that’s no joke.
E. E. CARR
January 31, 2007
Essay 227
Authors Note:
The Chancellor of Grinnell College in Iowa has sent me an angry letter about scholar Harry Livermore. The Chancellor says that I failed to mention doctoral degrees conferred on candidates who achieve the third degree or the nth degree. He further notes that I failed to mention the graduate truck driving school where candidates are given doctorates for successfully completing 90 degree and 180 degree turns. The Chancellor has my abject apologies.
~~~~
Kevin’s commentary: Pop should have learned his lessons about Ivy league schools before he sent his daughter to one, presumably. Ah well, she turned out fine.
Now I feel like I’ve done commentary on this one before but I could find no evidence of it on the site, so I’m sorry if this feels like a repeat to you as well. Hell of an essay, though — I love the ones on language.