Ezra's Essays

Category: Advice

  • THE THIRD RAIL

    Well boys, the German Pope has stuck both feet in it. Every person who ever lived on a farm where cattle were pastured will recognize the “it” in the previous sentence. George Herbert Walker Bush, our preppy former president, never lived on a farm, but he refers to the “it” as “deep doo doo.” Old…

  • Letter to Kevin 6/15/05

    Kevin – Judy and I were delighted with your response to the letter and the essay about Mencken. I am not surprised by your mother withholding it from you. She may well have referred my letter to the FBI or to the Texas Holy Roller Diocese before she let you read it. Basically, from the…

  • A THOUGHT ABOUT WAR AND A LITTLE PHILOSOPHY ABOUT HATRED

    From time to time, my thoughts turn to the war in Iraq and in Afghanistan. As a World War II soldier, may you be assured that war is not a pleasant pastime. It is repugnant. Combat soldiers see bodies blown apart and maimed. The soldier you were pals with yesterday, may be a maimed cripple…

  • A NICKEL’S WORTH OF ADVICE FROM THE OLD GEEZER

    My search for a high-paying job with bonuses and stock options is not a magnificent success story. Last year, I thought I had the New York Mets’ manager’s job sewn up, but they gave it to Willie Randolph largely because he is younger and he is a Brooklyn native. When the New York Knickerbockers demoted…

  • DIGESTIVE DIFFICULTIES AND THE WAR ON TERROR

    The king of Crawford, Texas, George III, has frequently said that he consults with outside experts on monumental decisions, but in the end he says he relies on his “gut feelings.” Reliance on King George’s gut feeling has brought on the disaster in Iraq and the so called war on terror. While King George says…

  • SO ENGLISH IS OUR OFFICIAL LANGUAGE

    When it comes to goofiness, there is a tie between Prince Charles, the Prince of Wales, and the American Congress. For example, in the past week or so, the Senate has passed a resolution announcing that English is our only official language. It is meant of course to bar Spanish, which the Mexican immigrants speak.…

  • LONELY TOWNS

    Donald E. Wass was a fellow that you should not have known. Mr. Wass was humorless in the extreme. He was a low-level supervisor in AT&T’s Engineering Department in St. Louis. His responsibility caused him to have frequent conversations with other engineers in New York. Those conversations were so loud that work in the rest…

  • “THE MORE THINGS CHANGE THE MORE THEY REMAIN THE SAME”

    LES GUÊPES, 1849 JEAN BAPTISTE ALPHONSE KARR This essay has spent a longer time than normal in gestation. I had intended to dictate it on Memorial Day, but the news from Iraq was so depressing that I could not bring myself to work on it. Now that the essay has emerged from the womb, let…

  • PASSED BALLS AND WILD PITCHES

    When anyone has lived as long as I have, it would be foolish to claim that there have not been some mistakes along the way.  The Great Decider may differ with that conclusion, but he is busy trying to extricate the United States from the mess he has created in Iraq.  These are some of…

  • MAKING FRIENDS

    Making friends has always come easily to me. I find that a handshake and calling the other person by his name tends to open the door to new friendships. Showing an interest in what the other person is doing or where he has lived tends to promote that friendship. My father did not have that…