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A REPRISE ON THISA AND THATA
Those of you who read Ezra’s Essays may recall an essay on Ben Bernie. He was a popular orchestra leader from the 1920s through the end of the 1950s. When he was pleased with the performance of his orchestra, he would say, “Yousa, yousa, yousa.” And when he was going to play a variety of…
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THE THREE-BASE ERROR
In the great game of baseball, if a fielder lets a ground ball go between his legs or if an outfielder fails to catch the ball and the runner winds up on third base, it is called a three-base error. Errors of this sort are to be avoided like the plague. But I am involved…
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THE BEST
I know that this essay will arouse some antagonisms but it has been in my mind for several months and it must now be dictated, regardless of the outcome. The essay here will have to do with the best workers, and those who seem to enjoy life in the fullest. According to my estimates, the…
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FANS
In earlier essays, there was a tribute to railings and to our bashful commodes, both of which bring joy and comfort to our lives. In that same spirit, I believe it is time to pay tribute to fans of all kinds. For the first twelve or thirteen years of my life, I was forced to…
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SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT AGAIN
Over the years, the telephone service provided by the Verizon Corporation was interrupted frequently. In one case, over the Memorial Day holiday of this year, service went out on a Sunday and we were told, according to the recorded announcement, that it would not be restored until Wednesday. I found this, as an old telephone…
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PRESENTLY AND/OR THIS-A-WAY
This essay on the English language was inspired by a preposterous source. The someone who inspired this essay departed this vale of tears more than 51 years ago and was generally known as my father. He was a laconic man who used country speak to convey his thoughts to the outside world. Country speak is…
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SEX, SEX AND MORE SEX
It may seem unseemly for a man of my advanced years to write an essay about sexual matters. On the other hand, it also seems to me that I had no choice in the matter. If my mother were to reprimand me for having thoughts about ungodly matters, I would be forced to tell her,…
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ASPECTS OF MORALITY
Earlier today I was stunned to learn that March 4th is the 83rd birthday of Alan Greenspan, the former head of the Federal Reserve Board. You may recall Mr. Greenspan, who often testified to Congress using sentences that could not be untangled. Andrea Mitchell, the television reporter, says that when he proposed marriage to her, she…
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SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT
In a recent essay, I deplored the fact that the tags were missing from the backs of my recently purchased tee shirts. This resulted in my putting the shirts on backwards about 35 to 40% of the time. So I wrote to the president of the Nordstrom company and told him that whoever made the…
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IN LAVISH PRAISE OF SCALLIONS
There are dilettantes who dine on snails, caviar and champagne who will contend that eating a scallion is beneath their stature in life. They will contend that it is nothing other than a peasant food. Your old essayist holds a contrary view. In his estimation, the enjoyment of any meal except breakfast is increased by…