You may recall that I sent you some essayettes in a previous mailing. The essayettes were not long enough to be a full essay and so when they are gathered together I call them a polygamy of essayettes. I will freely concede that the word polygamy is almost always used in conjunction with a practice of multiple wives which had the sanction of the Mormon Church. It is my contention that the word polygamy could be used for other purposes. It is a proper English word and I see no reason why it could not be used to identify several essayettes in addition to the practice of polygamy as it relates to multiple wivery. This is the second time that this practice has occurred to Ezra’s Essays and so it is called Act Two.
The first essayette has to do with my father, Ezra Senior. You may also recall that during his lifetime we were basically strangers. This is not to say that there was any animosity between us. But among other things, my father never abandoned rural ways and he was a thoroughly religious man. But all things considered, I have come to appreciate the efforts that he made to keep the family alive during the depths of the Depression.
But my father, unschooled as he was, made two significant additions to the English language. One addition is the wonderful phrase “I reckon.” The second has to do with consuming a meal.
As I recall, my father, who died in 1958, often used the phrase, “I reckon.” If he were asked about the square footage of his house, he would say that he reckoned it was so many feet. If he were asked the distance between his home in eastern Missouri and his boyhood home, he would say, “Well, I reckon it is 200 miles.” It has always seemed to me that the word “reckon” used in the sense that the old man used it was meant to say, “I believe.” I deplore the loss of the use of the word “reckon.” In point of fact, I would probably never ever use that word but I deplore its loss. So you may consider this essay an attempt to bring back the word “reckon” into our normal conversation. It is a lovely word that offends no one.
Now the second word used by my father is a bit more controversial. If he were asked, for example, to have some dinner, he would likely say, “Thank you, I have already et.” Know that Miss Maxwell, my eighth grade teacher, would have strangled at the use of this word. But in retrospect, the conjugation of eating and “et” makes a good bit of sense. But no one will use that word now that it is considered a country sort of term.
And so this polygamy of essayettes in the second act will start with “reckon” and “et.” I do not expect that the English teachers at Harvard or any of the other Ivy League schools will call me to congratulate me on bringing back these two terms. But they cause me to think about my father and that is a sufficient reason for me to like them.
Now we turn to the wine store salesman who had Miss Chicka and myself admiring his use of language. A week or so ago, we were looking for some wine that we could serve to twelve people who were coming to this majestic mansion to celebrate my birthday. As we toured the wine store, the salesman used the term “drinkability” for nearly every wine he had to offer us. When we returned to our home, I asked Miss Chicka to look up whether or not drinkability was a proper term. It was, if you consider it to be number three or four when the definitions are considered. At this point, I give all of you permission to use the word drinkability as long as you give credit to “Gary’s Wine and Marketplace.”
I should have told you earlier that these essayettes have no relation to each other. They are essays that come to mind but are not supportive of a full essay.
With that thought in mind, I believe it is time for us to consider “the dribbler.” About five years ago, the house on the corner across from our house was sold to a developer who knocked the house down and built a large house on the corner that is reasonably attractive. When the house was advertised, there was great emphasis on the fact that it contained five bathrooms. If I may say so, there is little chance that the five bathrooms will ever experience excessive wear. The husband, for example, seems to spend quite a bit of time away from home on the road. There is a youngster, now in his teens, who grew up ringing the doorbells of neighboring homes and then hiding when people came to the door. But this practice ended when I called him and his friend to the front porch of our house and gave them what is commonly known in Army circles as “an ass-eating.” That was the end of the doorbell ringing.
Now this couple, who seem to have abundant means, has purchased a basketball net and backboard which is on their driveway outside the garage. When the teenager is home, the neighbors know of his presence because he dribbles and bounces the basketball starting in the mid-evening hours. Apparently this gives him a lot of satisfaction. I am curious as to why he does not shoot at the basket; he just keeps dribbling the ball. He simply loves to bounce the basketball on the asphalt driveway. I know a few things about basketball and I can assure that this youngster continues to dribble the ball when he should be shooting at the basket.
Bouncing the basketball on the asphalt driveway gives off a dull thud. Our home is about 300 feet away from the dribbler and we can hear when he is at work. The same is true for his next-door neighbor. But this teenager is content simply to bounce the ball on the asphalt driveway. Apparently he never shoots the ball at the basket. I suspect that his father has never told him that in a basketball game one must score some points. Scoring points involves putting the ball through the net. But this young man seems to be very much content to simply bounce the ball which tells me that “the dribbler” is at work.
As far as I know, there are no college scholarships available for dribblers. They are reserved for those who can score the most points in a basketball game. At this point, I should consider myself fortunate in that he is no longer ringing my doorbell. I know where this youngster lives at various times of the day and know his parents have illuminated the back yard with floodlights. This makes it easy for the dribbler to practice his art unattended by anyone else.
I think I told you at the beginning of the essayettes that they were totally unrelated to each other. It seems to me that the dribbler is unrelated to everything, so I close the second act of the polygamy of essayettes on this high note. And remember the younger Ezra, age 90, still being attracted to the words “reckon” and “et.” It seems to me that you can’t get any better than that.
E. E. CARR
July 4, 2012
Essay 674
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Kevin’s commentary:
Perhaps after this blog is finished, I will endeavor to create a dictionary of all of the various words and phrases that Pop has highlighted over the years.
Now, this style of essay (tagged on this site as Multi-Essay — view all of them here) has got me wondering what Pop’s essay ledger looks like. He always speaks of clearing it out and moving things off of it. How many potential essay ideas float around there at a time? How often do essays get scrapped as opposed to compiled into multiessays? We may never know. Unless Pop decides to respond to this, I suppose.
I also pity the poor child who makes the mistake of “ding-dong-ditching” my grandfather. I feel like getting caught by him would be a rather unpleasant experience.