NEWS OF “LA OUTHOUSE”

You may recall that the large house across the street from this residence installed an outhouse some 16 or 17 months ago on their front lawn.  During that period of time, the outhouse became beloved by delivery men, the postman, and my friends and relatives.  The sad fact of the matter is that on November 18 the outhouse disappeared.  The mailmen, delivery men, and passers-by made it a point during the outhouse’s existence to automatically stop at the outhouse to make a deposit.  But the fact of the matter is that now the outhouse is gone and only fond memories of it linger.

The house that had the outhouse has a total of five and a half bathrooms inside.  But for reasons unknown to pedestrians such as myself, they had a need for adding a sixth bathroom.  As time went on, everyone knew of the location of the outhouse and they used it, while thinking kind thoughts about the owners of the property.  But now the outhouse is gone and inquiries about it result in my saying that it went back to where it came from.  It is a hell of a note for my daughters to be inquiring about the outhouse on the neighbor’s property as opposed to my well being.  But that is the way it is.

It is quite possible that the 99% of the protesters in New York and in other cities would lodge a protest about the disappearance of the outhouse.  If that were the case, I would say that their cause was justified.

Losing the outhouse is a lot like losing an old friend.  It was not on my property but it was a source of conversation among our friends.  More than anything else, it provided relief for the mailman and every delivery man that came by the facility.  I cannot say that I am distressed by the disappearance of the outhouse.  It was an eyesore that existed for much too long.  Now that it is gone, I say to myself, “You never know how you will miss them until they’re gone.”   And I suspect that is the way a good many people around here feel about the disappearance of the outhouse on Long Hill Drive.

So now my daughters and their husbands must think up questions that I should be asked about current events.  It seems to me that this is a proper question to put to Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Michelle Bachmann and Rick Perry.  Perhaps they may shed some light on this mystery which will be as unrevealing as their answers to the questions in the debates.  But the fact of the matter is, “You never know how you will miss them until they’re gone.”  Now that the outhouse has disappeared, I can only say that I have a feeling of relief, tranquility and longing for “la outhouse”.

 

E. E. CARR

November 20, 2011

Essay 595

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Kevin’s commentary: This post has left me confused, because a 2012 essay entitled “Non-breaking news from Long Hill Drive” claims that the outhouse is still there! What is going on?

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