This may come as a shock to many of my readers, but in this essay, I will be dealing with a subject that I know a little bit about. From 1946 through the summer of 1951, I was an official of the Communications Workers of America. Then in 1951 the management of AT&T offered me a supervisory job. And so it was from the spring of 1955 through the spring of 1966 that I dealt with that same union as a representative of the management of AT&T and its subsidiary companies. In those 16 years, I thought that I had seen it all when it came to relations between the union and the management it dealt with. But in recent years, Carla Katz, the president of CWA Local 1034 has struck me out with a combination of curve balls and a change of pace.
It is quite possible that envy and jealousy may color my recitation of the events that populate this essay. On the other hand, I would claim that the facts are so evident that they speak for themselves. Carla Katz is the president of Local 1034 of the CWA, which represents many of the state government workers of the great state of New Jersey. Madame Katz has claimed that her local represents as many as 16,500 members. Now back when I was a representative of the CWA, my local, 6350 in St. Louis, had somewhere between 700 and 1,000 members. So Carla Katz wins this one hands down.
Madame Katz is paid $100,000 per annum for her work with that local. When I was the president of Local 6350, I received no salary at all. If my union duties took me away from my work with AT&T, the union would pay me my company salary, which was about 70 to 75 bucks a week. As you can see, I didn’t get rich working for AT&T or the CWA.
During my time as a union representative, I was also a member of the executive board of the Long Lines unit, and I was one of the five members of the National Bargaining Committee. Bargaining took place in New York City and I stayed at the magnificent Piccadilly Hotel on 45th Street. The union paid for my lodging and for perhaps two meals a day. But my wages included nothing from the union and covered only the $70 to $75 a week that represented my AT&T salary. During my work with the union, I made many friends. However, I collected no lovers at all. This apparently is a failing on my part, for which I have no adequate explanation. On the other hand, if a union representative, even at the lowest level, were found to be sleeping with the management, it was a treasonable offense. Putting it simply, there is no logic in sleeping with the management at night and then negotiating with them for raises and improved benefits during the daytime. That would have been the source for excommunication from the grand and glorious Communications Workers of America. But apparently, as time has gone on, the rules have changed.
If newspaper accounts are to be believed, and I believe them, Mrs. Katz was negotiating with the grand Governor of the great State of New Jersey while she was also living in close proximity to his majesty. In short, they were lovers. When I was a union representative, it would be unthinkable to bring a proposal to my members and tell them, “This is the best we can do,” while knowing that I was snuggling up to my management representative. But as I say, the rules seem to have changed because no action has taken place to burn Mrs. Katz at the stake or even to send her into the wilderness. Quite to the contrary, Mrs. Katz cashes her checks, representing the $100,000 she is paid annually, and is now offering herself as a candidate for the vice-presidency of the whole union. As lovers often do, there was a falling out between Madame Katz and Jon Corzine, our grand governor. Jon Corzine goes first class and when their relationship ended, he picked up the tab for $650,000 on a property that was owned by Mrs. Katz. She has two children in private schools, and it has been alleged that the Governor also had agreed to pick up the tab for their education. The Governor and Mrs. Katz have not confided in me with respect to the truth of this allegation.
Now that Madame Katz was free of Jon Corzine, it is apparent that she cast her spell over the young mayor of the largest city in the great state of New Jersey. That would be Cory Booker, the mayor of the grand and glorious city of Newark. While Mrs. Katz was the recipient of Jon Corzine’s largesse, it appears that she has reversed that situation with respect to Cory Booker. The Star-Ledger of New Jersey, which is a reputable newspaper, has printed the story that in recent months Madame Katz has donated $20,000 of union money to Mayor Booker, and she has put a dollop of whipped cream on the top of that by her own contribution of $10,000 to Mr. Booker.
Mr. Booker, as far as we can tell, is single and, if one is able to read between the lines in the Star-Ledger report, it appears that he and Mrs. Katz have a “close personal friendship.” It could be that preachers and choir singers would regard this “close personal friendship” as platonic, but most of the rest of us would contend that Cory Booker has simply assumed the place in Mrs. Katz’s life that Jon Corzine has vacated.
There has been some indication that the members of her Local 1034 have objected to her contribution of union funds on the order of $20,000 to Mr. Booker. In the old days, this would have been another treasonable offense, but in these new days, apparently this illicit contribution is to be shrugged off and nobody will be burned at the stake.
Obviously Carla Katz is leading a charmed life, during which she collects important men as lovers and as companions and as sponsors. I freely admit to envy and jealously, but I played by Puritan rules when I had something to do for the CWA.
But now I have a suggestion for the United States government. Soon there will be a new administration in Washington guiding the affairs of the government of this country. It is my suggestion that Carla Katz be appointed as Secretary of State and that she should turn her wiles loose on the head man of North Korea, Kim Jong Il. When Carla is finished with the head man of North Korea and takes some plutonium from him, he will be as gentle as a lap cat. Then she should turn her attention to Bashar al-Assad, the head man in Syria. Assad is an ophthalmologist by training and he understands English quite well, so it will not be necessary for Carla to understand the language of the Arabs. My belief is that within a month, Carla will have bagged al-Assad and, as a token of their close affection, she may assure the State of Israel that the Golan Heights are forever theirs. In the lovelike process, Carla may procure a new set of spectacles from the President of Syria as he tries his hand at his previous occupation.
Her final objective would be Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, who presents a special challenge in that he speaks Farsi. It is clear to me that when Carla turns her special wiles loose on the President of Iran, he will make peace with Israel and with the United States, and may even ask Carla to be his bride, as we do not know whether there is a Madame Ahmadinejad.
So you see, we have a resource that is untapped here. She is a wealthy woman by virtue of the gifts from Jon Corzine, and Cory Booker, a very personable young man, may even become the Mayor of both Newark and Teheran.
Well, there you have my thoughts about the union business as it exists these days. In the old days, Mrs. Katz would probably have been excommunicated from the union for consorting with Jon Corzine and then for making the union contribution to the Mayor of Newark. But that is not the way it is done these days, so Carla continues to meow and purr, and from time to time, she may smile as she curls up on the lap of one of her benefactors in Pyongyang, Damascus, and Teheran. I am quite confident that the next President of the United States will feel that he has an obligation to me for my suggestion that Carla be the successor to Condoleezza.
E. E. CARR
May 19, 2008
Essay 314
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Kevin’s commentary: Pop has made a critical oversight. So far, Mrs. Katz has been engaged with people who are nominally sane, if somewhat dumb. They are also, relatively speaking, powerless. But what happens when you break up with Kim Jong Un? Or he realizes that you’re cheating on him with Ahmadinejad? This is the guy who executed his own uncle for shits and giggles. Things are going to get really ugly really fast.
That said, if the proper procedures were put in place, Mrs. Katz could be used as a tactical way of eliminating America’s enemies. The 21st century solution to this issue would obviously be a reality show. Katz and her squad of translators would go to a mansion somewhere with all of her suitors, and then Corzine, al-Assad, etc would soon be engaged in footraces and other challenges to win her affection. I’d watch it.