This essay has to do with how men’s clothing is tailored. It does not have to do with the insects that buzz around our heads in the summer time nor does it have to do with fly balls as in the case of baseball. Primarily it has to do with the opening in the front of male clothing that permits discharge of waste material. Men are constructed in such a fashion that they need this opening, and for reasons unknown to me those openings are called flies. Why they are called flies is not a subject of this essay, but in the future it might be well to look into that matter.
I had no reason to discuss flies on male clothing until recently, when American manufacturers elected to go outside of this country to get their clothing made. I use the term recently but in retrospect this has been going on for several years. I suppose that manufacturers, in an effort to save money, elected to have men’s trousers and underclothing constructed in low wage areas. But the point in this whole essay is that those manufacturers have cut down on the length of the fly. Whereas the fly used to extend from the top of the pants down to somewhere near the crotch, now the fly does not approach the crotch area. It is located nearer the navel than it is to the crotch. Having a very short fly on men’s clothing is not necessarily a disaster, but it is uncomfortable. It means that men’s clothing must be pulled down to permit proper use of the fly. This is not the way that it should be.
For all of the years that I was growing up in the era before zippers, men’s flies were adequate and were fastened with buttons. The trouble with buttons is that they often come off. So about 1945, at the end of the Second World War, buttons were replaced with zippers. I suspect that shorter zippers are more cost effective than longer zippers. That is my suspicion even though I have no data to prove it.
It seems to me that on purchases that I have made of men’s clothing in recent years, the men’s flies have become shorter and shorter. So much so is this the case that recently I took delivery of a pair of Dickie blue jeans with a longer zipper and it occasioned me to write a letter to the president of that corporation. Dickie is an old-line manufacturer and while his clothing is probably now constructed outside of the United States, he must understand the problems that men have. The letter was directed to a Mr. Williamson who is not only President and descendant of one of the founders, but also Chief Executive Officer and Chairman of the Board of the Williamson-Dickie company. In the letter I commended Mr. Williamson on providing me with trousers that look good, are long-wearing, and mostly have a long fly. He has had the letter only a few days and I hope to hear from him before time runs out here.
I had approached this subject with a certain degree of trepidation because a good number of my readers are of the female gender. However, none of them are in their tender years and I believe they understand how a short fly may cause their male counterparts considerable trouble.
But it seemed to me that a manufacturer who provided me with a pair of trousers that were good-looking, well-fitting, long-lasting, and with a long fly deserved to hear from me with my approval. I suspect that in time Mr. Williamson will reply to my letter, which I will bring to you forthwith. To all the world I must say that having trousers and underpants with short flies is a disturbance to the male temperament. Longer flies, as in the case of the Dickie trousers, contribute to world understanding and peace. Anything that accomplishes these objectives is worthy of great praise that should be recognized, even if it is only a letter from a satisfied customer.
For all these years, when a person does me a favor or contributes to my well-being, I think he is deserving of recognition. In the foregoing case, I believe that Mr. Dickie’s trousers or blue jeans accomplish all of these ends, hence the recognition.
E. E. CARR
December 14, 2009
Essay 424
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Kevin’s commentary: First and most importantly, I would like to know whether Pop ever got a response to his note.
Secondly I think I have spotted the problem here. The problem is that Pop is an old man, and old men generally like to wear their trousers nice and high on their bodies. I believe this is probably Pop’s trouble because he said that his fly approaches his navel rather than his crotch which would indicate that the pants are being worn at at least navel height. Conversely if he were to wear his jeans around his hips instead of his waist, the fly could not possibly go to his navel since the waistband of the pants would be below it. I should probably start a career as a detective.