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BE A MAN
William Meredith Carr must have had a terrible hangover on October 10, 1881, because he named his newly born son Ezra Edgar. That mistake was compounded when in 1922, that Ezra passed that name on to me. It has always been my belief that only the Holy Ghost or Moqtada al Sadr has a more…
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DOCTOR, MAY I HELP YOU WITH YOUR WORK? A TREATISE ON PRETENTIOUSNESS
This essay is intended primarily for those who practice the art of medicine. The first part is devoted largely to those who practice ophthalmology. The second part refers to all of the physicians who are currently in practice. The title of this essay will inform you that it is my intention to offer some cogent…
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BEERS, TUTWILER, AND HUGHES (AND A FEW OTHER MISSING FACES)
The firm of Beers, Tutwiler, and Hughes is not a new law firm moving in to town nor is it an ad agency. It is an association of women who have worked for the United States government in recent years in an effort to improve our relations with the Arab countries. For reasons that are…
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DIGESTIVE DIFFICULTIES AND THE WAR ON TERROR
The king of Crawford, Texas, George III, has frequently said that he consults with outside experts on monumental decisions, but in the end he says he relies on his “gut feelings.” Reliance on King George’s gut feeling has brought on the disaster in Iraq and the so called war on terror. While King George says…
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WAR ON TERROR
The news from Washington, particularly the White House, tells us that we are fighting a war on terror. This old under-educated, inarticulate clod is baffled by that description. What war are we talking about? And are the American people genuinely terrorized? The imprecision of the language in the so-called war on terror is immense. When…
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SO ENGLISH IS OUR OFFICIAL LANGUAGE
When it comes to goofiness, there is a tie between Prince Charles, the Prince of Wales, and the American Congress. For example, in the past week or so, the Senate has passed a resolution announcing that English is our only official language. It is meant of course to bar Spanish, which the Mexican immigrants speak.…
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THE 0-FER FACTOR
The Salvation Army, the Baptist Young People’s Union, the Veterans of Foreign Wars, and the Luther League (Missouri Synod) have approved this essay only on the ground that I disclose that it is a political and not a baseball essay. But to make my point it is necessary to call on the practice of baseball…
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REALITY AND AMERICAN CONSTERNATION
This morning, March 6, Tim Russert asked General Peter Pace, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, how the war in Iraq was going. To save space, I will condense his answer into the thought that the war is going swimmingly. Everything is on schedule and soon there will be Iraqi boys fighting the insurgents over…
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“ENGLISH IS A RICH LANGUAGE” – (SVEN OF UMEǺ, CIRCA 1975)
Umeå is an important Swedish port on the upper reaches of the Baltic Sea. The pronunciation of its name has always been in doubt for those of us who do not speak Swedish. Some English speakers call it Oomea while others refer to it as Youmea. This is quite understandable in that Swen of Umeå…