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“I’M GORGEOUS INSIDE” -Ellen Konik
My wife comes from the fabulously wealthy town of Lycippus, Pennsylvania. I believe that she owns a controlling interest in that town and the surrounding territories. While I have known Miss Chicka for a number of years, she has never mentioned that she ever served in the American military. Those of you who have served…
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I’M STILL MAD AS HELL
This essay should be read after another essay called “In Memoriam: Abelino Mazariego.” I don’t usually write essays that are to be consumed one after the other. I like my essays to have a beginning, a middle, and an end, the thought being that they can all stand on their own feet. In the instant…
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HE/SHE/THEY SAID THAT?! Volume III
Volume III When I set out to write this essay, I thought my recollections could be contained in an essay of maybe six or eight pages. But as it has turned out, my recollections have now reached a total of three volumes. I believe that I have spent as much time as I wish to…
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FULL FLEDGED DEVOTION
Under ordinary circumstances, the day at this house begins with a loud thud made by the storm door on the front porch. The loud thud has to do with the delivery of two newspapers rolled up and inserted into a plastic bag. If I am lucky, the newspapers will be placed to the side of…
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CESAR AND ANDY
Under ordinary circumstances, my wife and I go grocery shopping twice a week, on Tuesdays and Fridays. Again, if ordinary circumstances hold, we have found on Tuesdays, there are two attendants who retrieve the carts over the large parking lot and bring them back so they may be used again. When the two cart retrievers…
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BAMBI AND THE SEASON OF THE RUT
In the 13 years that Ezra’s Essays have appeared in print, the editor has manfully and cheerfully tackled such third-rail subjects as politics and religion. But in that long period of time, there have been a dearth of essays on the subject of sex. We are going to try to make up for that dearth…
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PRIDE GOETH BEFORE A FALLETH
Those of you who are familiar with the literature of the Bible will recognize the title of this essay as a corruption of a verse from Proverbs. Specifically the verse comes from Chapter 16, Verse 18. That verse in its unexpurgated form holds that pride goes before a fall. Because this essay is being dictated…
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A REVISIT TO THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANGLO-SAXONS
Sven Lernevall is my long-time friend from Sweden. From all appearances, Sven speaks the Swedish language with great proficiency. I will have to rely on expert witnesses whom I trust to testify to Sven’s use of the Swedish language. Beyond that, Sven and his wife Ella speak an elegant brand of the English language. On…
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THE DESCENDENTS OF ABRAHAM ARE LOUSY CUTTERS OF GRASS
In mid-July of 2011, a giant dome formed over the eastern states. The result was several days of temperatures exceeding 90°. On one of those Sundays during the period of the dome, a major sound reached my ears. It was a one-lung engine, which was mounted on a lawnmower. The sound came from my immediate…
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HAVE I STAYED TOO LONG AT THE FAIR
You may be excused if you do not recall exactly what you do were doing on the evening of August 4, 1959. It was a Tuesday, but otherwise it was unremarkable. I do not recall what I was doing that evening but I assume that I was working for the great AT&T organization and I…