Ezra's Essays

Category: Language

  • A NICKEL’S WORTH OF NOSTALGIA FOR OLD GEEZERS, FOGIES, AND CODGERS

    The speech patterns of my parents had Elizabethan overtones. For example, if my mother were to be told that her seventh child had become an Anglican priest or a Baptist Bible-thumping preacher, she would have fainted. Upon regaining consciousness, I am certain that she would have said, “Well, I swan!” The term “swan” is an…

  • “IT DON’T MEAN I DON’T”

    It has been 71 years and three months since I last saw Miss Maxwell, my eighth grade teacher. That period has passed with little lament from your old essayist. For most of the boys in Miss Maxwell’s eighth grade class, I think it would be fair to say that if the lamentable and regrettable period…

  • SOLDIER SPEAK

    This is an essay about usages of the English language as employed by soldiers of Great Britain and secondly by soldiers of the United States. Kindly stay with me, rather than turning me aside on the ground that the language used in this essay is scatological and perhaps slightly lewd. Actually, it is nothing of…

  • BITS AND PIECES: WHEN ENGLAND WAS A PUP (OR YES, MASTER)

    This is the final Bits and Pieces essay in this current series. Originally, it was intended to immortalize a poem quoted on many occasions by Lillie Carr, my mother. Mrs. Carr was an Irishwoman who wanted desperately to throw off the yoke that England had on Ireland. She never set foot in England or in…

  • “YOU AIN’T TORE YOUR BRITCHES YET” – BILL KNAPP, CIRCA 1950

    In the hills and bogs of this great country, there is a language spoken which is a derivative of the English language. That derivative is called “country speak.” If, for example, you follow the announcements of Richard Shelby, the U.S. Senator from Alabama, you will notice that he pronounces the word “can’t” as “caint.” This…

  • PROSE AND POETRY IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

    During all the years of my long life, the English language has informed and entertained me endlessly. It must be a good language in that it has now become the lingua franca of the world. Perhaps one of the reasons for it becoming spoken so widely is that it is a living language. In this…

  • UPON BEING UPPITY

    Those of you who are familiar with the nuances of American southern speech patterns will instantly recognize the term “uppity.” It is used most often as an adjective with the nouns that follow being “colored folks,” “blacks,” or, even worse, the vulgar term that rhymes with bigger. My uneducated guess is that when the term…

  • THE MORE THINGS CHANGE, THE MORE THEY DISIMPROVE

    I am painfully aware that cynics and critics will charge me with plagiarizing the ancient maxim of “The more things change, the more they remain the same.” I plead guilty on all counts. On the other hand, I will contend that I have improved that maxim with the addition of “disimprove” as a wonderful neologism.…

  • AFFAIRS OF LOVE

    Those of you who have persevered in reading these essays will know that from time to time the titles involve curve balls, changes of pace, and, occasionally, a foofoo ball. This essay will not be called “Love Affairs” , but rather “Affairs of Love” for reasons that will become clear as the sections develop. If…

  • TURNING THE VIRGINITY ODOMETER BACK TO ZERO

    This essay is going to attempt to perform an impossible literary marriage in that it involves the virginity of Muslim women and an apt poem by A. E. Housman, an English poet who could foresee miracles of the future. Whether this marriage will last is a reasonable subject for discussion, but I believe that it…