Ezra's Essays

Category: Funny

  • SHOCKING NEWS FROM LONDON

    Christmas Eve news reports from the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) and the Associated Press brings us horrid, horrid developments about the British Royal Family of our Mother England. BBC gave this sad report precedence over reports of four American soldiers being killed in Iraq and the cancellation of as many as six Air France flights…

  • GET IT IN WRITING

    You may find it hard to believe, but late in 1977, a bill was being prepared to be offered to the Assembly of the New Jersey Legislature, that would require men dating women to declare their intentions, in writing, early on in the romantic process. So if a young man saw a nice looking young…

  • HARD BOILED EGGS

    This is a morality story about people I knew when I was President of the Federation of Long Lines Telephone Workers (Local #5) in St. Louis. Among other things, my job was to present grievances to the Company on behalf of the workers. At its peak, there were perhaps 800 to 1000 members of Local…

  • MISTAKEN IDENTITIES

    This is a seldom told story of mistaken identities, a nervous decorator, a Polish waitress, a Florida bon vivant and telling the time of day. That is quite of bit of ground to cover but with the help of my long time friend, Charlie Miller, I think we do it with ease. During the late…

  • What to do about… GEORGE BUSH’S REBATE CHECK

    Last week, there arrived in our mailbox a life changing letter. It was a check for $600. In the first place, it was mailed from Austin, Texas which now seems to be at the center of Bush’s universe. The United States Treasury is on 15th Street in Washington, but for this purpose was moved to…

  • THE THREE I LEAGUE

    When we were young, many of my compatriots had their sights set on a professional baseball career. Unrealistically, as it turned out. But we didn’t know that then. In the Midwest, one of the leagues to which we aspired had clubs in Illinois, Indiana and Iowa. And so it became the Three I League. It…

  • MISTAKEN IDENTITY TIMES TWO

    During the late 1980s and the earlier part of the 1990s, my wife Judith and I rode on mountain bikes all over northern New Jersey. Our objective was to reach at least 100 miles per week. On most weeks, we met that objective. From time to time, we would stop to rest, usually in preparation…

  • “…HE KEPT IT FOR HISSELF ” (sic)

    It may come as a surprise to all of you to know that your ancient essayist has been a victim of permanent shock since 1940. Permanent shock is sort of a funk which is debilitating in every sense. The shock was caused by Del van Buren Barbee, a philosopher who also washed cars for a…

  • EHHH… WHAT’S THAT YOU SAID?

    Here is a little Missouri story that has no effect on the current state of the world. It is memorialized here not because it is a great story; but rather, as time takes its toll on my brain, I may forget all about it. So if I write these thoughts down now, when the television…

  • “I’M EVERYBODY” – VERNON LUDLOFF

    It may very well be that this essay should be entitled “Back to the Future.” In my current situation, I am of course unable to see the action taking place on television. I listen to the dialogue on television and in many cases, I can determine who the speaker may be but in other cases…