Ezra's Essays

Category: Favorite

  • IODINE AND MERCUROCHROME

    Growing up during the Great Depression of 1929 preceded the advent of exotic medicines for all kinds of illnesses.  In every household, in the medicine cabinet of a Depression family was a bottle of iodine.  When iodine was administered to a cut anywhere on the body, you had a very stinging sensation.  But that was…

  • SAUCERED AND BLOWED

    In previous essays, I have noted the fact that my ancestors were rural folks who carried their country customs to the big city of St. Louis. They were farmers in Pope County, Illinois and had one peculiar custom that I have not seen for many years. Basically, the custom was that, when served a cup…

  • INFIDELS, MORMANS, CATHOLICS, JEWS, ET AL: NEED NOT APPLY

    Let us suppose that Mrs. Sanjay Gupta is delivered of sextuplets by a Doctor Gandhi at the world-famous clinic he runs in the city of Peculiar, Missouri. All of the newborns are girls, which beats Mrs. Dionne by at least one baby. As soon as Dr. Gandhi has finished washing the children in the sacred…

  • QUESTIONS UNANSWERED

    To this old Missouri essayist, it is a cardinal sin to grow older but no wiser. At this moment, there are four or five questions unanswered that are floating through the vacant space in my head. The first question has to do with wine. In the early 1980s, a lovely saleslady at Svensk Glas sold…

  • TOWARD A MORE PERFECT UNION

    I suspect that most of you will recognize that the title of this essay has been lifted from the preamble to the American constitution. My best guess is that it came from the pen of Thomas Jefferson, a gifted writer. This essay is not about politics or governmental affairs. It is about a few items…

  • GEORGIA ON MY MIND

    I wish this essay were about the song “Georgia on My Mind,” with its wonderful recordings by Ray Charles, Willie Nelson, and Louis Armstrong. But as it turns out, the Georgia on my mind is a European country under the domination of the Russians which now intrudes into all of our thoughts. Perhaps I can…

  • “SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A MOTHERLESS CHILD”

    Well, boys, the news on every front is pretty grim these days. My $50,000 Hummer is covered by a tarpaulin because it tends to gulp great gobs of gasoline. When I took my 350 horsepower SUV to the dealer to trade it in on a smaller car, he laughed at me and told me to…

  • BASTARDS: A TASTER’S SELECTION OF FOUR DIFFERENT VARIETIES

    When the English language was developed from its Saxon roots, the original meaning of “bastard” had to do with the offspring of unmarried parents. The word bastard is sometimes considered an epithet and should never be hung on the offspring but should be reserved for the unthinking parents who produced that offspring. But in any…

  • SALLY RAND, SOPHISTRY, AND “VALUES VOTERS”

    To make my point about sophistry and “values voters,” I am obliged to tell you about a woman who was born in my home state of Missouri, who assumed the name of Sally Rand. We will get to Sally shortly. When the year 1933 came to the United States, we were then entering our fourth…

  • DUTY: A SECULAR SERMON

    I suspect that most Americans would contend that all sermons must be sectarian or religious in nature. To offer an essay with the title holding that it is a secular sermon might strike those church-goers as an oxymoron. To those of us who treasure secular thoughts, sermons come as easily as to those who hold…