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SEGREGATED RECOLLECTIONS ON A COLD FEBRUARY AFTERNOON
This afternoon the temperature is hanging below the freezing mark. Somewhere between six and eight inches of snow are on the ground. The forecasters assure us that the snow will be followed by a freezing rain. Perhaps all of this proves that when I elected to stay in the great state of New Jersey, I…
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FINALLY, EVENING UP FOR SOUTHPAWS
The term “southpaw” is basically a baseball expression. It refers to players who use their left hand to throw. Traditionally, baseball diamonds have been laid out with home plate in the southwest corner of the infield. This is to prevent the batter from having to look into the afternoon sun while he is at the…
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FRANK DENNEY – A MIGHTY FINE FELLER
In a previous essay, we covered my alleged deafness and how it was “cured” by the Central Institute for the Deaf. Now let’s turn to Frank Denney, a mighty fine feller. The deafness story took place in eastern Missouri on the banks of the Mississippi. That’s about as far east as you can go in…
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REFLECTIONS AND TRANQUILITY
Harry Landis of Marion County, Missouri, died last week. Mr. Landis’s death was unremarkable except for the fact that he was one of the two surviving soldiers from the First World War. Mr. Landis was 108 years old and now the only survivor is a gentleman named Fred Buckles of West Virginia. Mr. Buckles was…
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BIRDS OF A FEATHER FLOCK TOGETHER
When I was in the labor relations business in New York City, a pompous, Harvard-trained lawyer offered me legal advice for about five of those years. In addition to his degree from Harvard, this lawyer had three first names. Obviously, because of his training and his birthright, this lawyer was my superior in every respect,…
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IN THE DEFENSE OF DECENCY
The readers of Ezra’s essays are now showing the wears and tears of age. Some of them have actually become long in the tooth. The question that I have to ask today is whether any of you believe that in the United States there will be a presidential election that is conducted without an assault…
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“OH MY, YOU ARE A DARLING”
Impartial and independent observers have assured me that the readers of Ezra’s essays have been purged of Southern Baptists, Nazarenes, Pentecostals, Holy Rollers, and other evangelical sects. That is a lovely development in view of the fact that before this essay is finished, there will be references to female horniness. I grit my teeth when…
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INSPIRATIONS FROM THE W.C.
The writing of essays requires an infusion of ideas. A good many of my ideas occur to me while I am attending to my duties in the bathroom. For example, you may recall that there were a series of essays which were entitled, “Thoughts While Shaving.” As time has gone on, I still receive thoughts…
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“I LOOK BUT I SEE NOTHING”
What I am really describing here is a job opportunity for men who are burdened with the loss of eyesight that afflicts me. In this short essay I will try to tell you why this is a golden opportunity for men such as myself. Guido Bocciola operated a very fashionable restaurant in New York on…
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A FOUNTAIN PEN AND KEEPERS OF BROTHERS
Preachers, politicians, poets, and the surgeons who perform autopsies remain clueless as to the location of the soul in the human body. Evangelical enthusiasts such as Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson claim that the soul is located in the heart. Every Fellow of the American College of Cardiologists will deny this as junk science. They…