Ezra's Essays

Category: 2008

  • “OH MY, YOU ARE A DARLING”

    Impartial and independent observers have assured me that the readers of Ezra’s essays have been purged of Southern Baptists, Nazarenes, Pentecostals, Holy Rollers, and other evangelical sects. That is a lovely development in view of the fact that before this essay is finished, there will be references to female horniness. I grit my teeth when…

  • DODGING BULLETS

    The surgeon who intended to repair my aortic valve late in 1997 advised me to stop my Coumadin intake five days before the procedure. On the fourth day, a stroke occurred. The stroke spared my limbs but left me with an active case of aphasia. The surgeon, who is a decent fellow, said that “We…

  • INSPIRATIONS FROM THE W.C.

    The writing of essays requires an infusion of ideas. A good many of my ideas occur to me while I am attending to my duties in the bathroom. For example, you may recall that there were a series of essays which were entitled, “Thoughts While Shaving.” As time has gone on, I still receive thoughts…

  • “I LOOK BUT I SEE NOTHING”

    What I am really describing here is a job opportunity for men who are burdened with the loss of eyesight that afflicts me. In this short essay I will try to tell you why this is a golden opportunity for men such as myself. Guido Bocciola operated a very fashionable restaurant in New York on…

  • A FOUNTAIN PEN AND KEEPERS OF BROTHERS

    Preachers, politicians, poets, and the surgeons who perform autopsies remain clueless as to the location of the soul in the human body. Evangelical enthusiasts such as Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson claim that the soul is located in the heart. Every Fellow of the American College of Cardiologists will deny this as junk science. They…

  • THE VITAL SIGNS OF 2008 LOOK PRETTY GOOD

    The New York Times has a reporter named Jennifer 8 Lee. I was intrigued by that name and asked Ms. Lee how it came about. Ms. Lee was very gracious and explained to me that she was of Chinese ancestry and her forbearers considered 8 to be a very lucky number. That seemed to be…

  • THEY DON’T MAKE YEARS LIKE THEY USED TO

    I started out life as a youngster. Granted that was in prehistoric times when dinosaurs roamed the great state of Missouri. As a youngster, it seemed to me that the years that were given to us were sturdy and rugged and were intended to last for more than 100,000 miles. In those days, the months…

  • YOU KNOW OR IS IT YOU NO?

    I have always been interested in the patterns of speech used by my fellow Americans.  The election season of the past two years have been a bonanza of sorts.  During daylight hours, it has become the custom of cable programs to ask a speaker to kill a full hour whether he has anything to say…