This morning I was amazed to hear that Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin have announced their engagement. I know that my age is approaching that of Methuselah, and there are those who would accuse me of having antediluvian ideas. But I always thought that the way to romance had to do with a boy and a girl finding each other. There would be dates and dinners and, heaven forbid, no sleepovers. And then after a respectable period, they would announce their engagement to be married. Obviously, I have it all backwards, which accounts for the title to this essay. In the case of Levi and Bristol, they seem to have had their romance, which resulted in Bristol Palin’s pregnancy, with which Levi went away. As far as I know, both of them dropped out of Wasilla high school, which makes it very difficult for him to land a job. But, much to my surprise, this morning there was an announcement to the effect that Levi and Bristol were on this date, July 12, being engaged.
Good gracious! They also have a baby to show for it. I know that I am out of the events of the day because my children tell me that I should “get with it.” But I thought getting with it had to do with following some form of proper procedures.
In the case of Levi and Bristol, they did it backwards. First, they had the baby and then a year or so later on, they announced their engagement. May I ask what the hell is going on here? Curiously, there is no provision for announcing their wedding plans at this time. It came as quite a shock to my system to discover that the way things are done now is that first the baby appears and then there is the announcement of the engagement. As I said in the title, I have it all backwards.
The fact that Bristol has announced that she is now prepared to make speeches at $15,000 per copy may have had something to do with Levi changing his mind. The success of Bristol’s mother in raising money from the far right wing may also have had something to do with it. Old Levi is not as dumb as he looks. He knows a good thing and he intends to try to latch onto it.
I am not necessarily a proponent of people being married before they have children. However, I believe that is the proper thing to do. But that comes from my Christian upbringing and I would not want to enforce that upon passionate Alaskans.
Now if we take this to the extreme, should there not be an obituary followed by a long life, many years of happy marriage or unhappy marriage, followed by an engagement and/or fooling around? Let’s not do things halfway here. If we are going to go backwards, I say let’s do it all the way.
My system at this advanced stage can only absorb so many body blows. But the announcement by Levi and the bride-to-be might make it all right with those right-wingers to insist upon morality in every phase of American life. So at this point, my intentions are to retire from the battlefield, realizing that I have had it exactly backwards for all the years of my lovely life. How could I have been so wrong?
E. E. CARR
July 12, 2010
Essay 473
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Kevin’s commentary: Levi Johnson is such a winner. His tweets in particular are incredibly classy, and are generally written in allcaps. Also, the fact that someone is willing to pay Bristol Palin that much money — or rather WAS willing to do so, because I doubt she can pull anything like that now — is disheartening.