In my longer than expected life, a minuscule amount of time has been directed toward the peccadilloes of preachers and priests caught in sexual scandals. I am not a Christian and do not intend to become one. Nor do I intend to become a Buddhist, a Muslim, a Jew, a Hindu, et. al. I assume that the congregations and the authorities will tend to these matters of sexual misconduct. This case, however, has a slightly different twist to it.
The facts are as follows. Ted Arthur Haggard is the founder and was the Pentecostal pastor of the New Life mega-Church in Colorado Springs. It claims a membership of 14,000 worshipers. Mr. Haggard was also the president of the National Association of Evangelicals in this country which claims a membership of something approaching 20 million. In addition, Reverend Haggard participates in weekly telephone calls with Karl Rove, the assistant to the President of the United States. In that capacity he advises on political moves and on war strategy. Finally, Reverend Haggard has produced seven books on religious matters and was an actor in a religious film which portrays the eternal damnation of hellfire. As you can see, he has had a full plate.
The first week of November, 2006 has brought charges by a male prostitute in Denver that he had a three year homosexual relationship with Pastor Haggard. There is also a tape recording of the pastor calling the prostitute and arranging for the purchase of a quantity of methamphetamines, an illegal drug. When questioned by a reporter for a Denver television station, the Reverend said that he had no sexual relationship with the prostitute and that when he received the illegal drugs, he immediately threw them away1. I suspect that by now you may have some doubts about the veracity of the pastor’s story.
At the Sunday morning services on November 5th, the interim preacher read a letter to the New Life worshipers from Pastor Haggard in which he conceded that he was guilty of sexual misconduct. Nothing was said about the illegal drugs.
As a result of a this admission, the good pastor was dismissed as the leader of the church in Colorado Springs and also, he lost his job as the head man of the National Association of Evangelicals in America. We do not yet know whether his weekly telephone conferences with Karl Rove continue.
Now with those facts behind us, let us proceed to the syllogism. Syllogisms start with a major premise. In this case, Christians would contend that everyone is made in God’s image. It must be assumed that slaves, who are referred to throughout the Bible, are excluded from the likeness of the immortal God. So the major premise here is that all the rest of us non-slaves are created in God’s image
The minor premise here is that Christians seem to actively dislike homosexual or bisexual persons whom we must presume are also created in the image of God.
From the major and minor premises, we are now able to draw a conclusion. It is inevitable that the conclusion must be that God or the Intelligent Designer made one hell of a mistake by creating homosexuals.
So on this basis, the Reverend Haggard is to be shunned, outcast and condemned. The New Life Church does not want to be led by a man who has conceded a homosexual relationship with another male.
The Pentecostals that Reverend Haggard formerly led, hold the belief that every word in the Bible is literally true. For example, they accept the belief that Joshua actually stopped the sun in its tracks and lengthened one day into two days. If they can believe that Joshua was able to snare the sun while it circled the earth, they should have no trouble in believing Reverend Haggard’s story.
The folks in Colorado Springs seem to have no interest in redemption at all. What they seek is revenge. The good reverend seems to be condemned to hell for the rest of eternity.
I have no intention to be the preacher that my mother had envisioned; however, I have a thought using this same syllogism as the basis for my logic. The major premise again is that God created all of the humans here on earth in his image.
The minor premise is that God or the Intelligent Designer also created homosexuals, bisexuals, slaves, and heterosexual non-believers such as myself.
From that set of premises, we can then arrive at the conclusion that God loves the sexually deviant and slaves as well as he loves the rest of us.
Any argument?
This not only relieves God of having made a terrible mistake, but it presents a compassionate image to the world. If I were a Christian and if I were a member of the New Life Church in Colorado Springs, I would not be thumping the tub to chase the Reverend Haggard out of the church. On the contrary, my mind tells me that Pastor Haggard is just an unfortunate subject of ignorant prejudice and hypocrisy. Can anyone guarantee that there are no members of the New Life Church who have ever had a homosexual relationship?
Under the present set of circumstances, it is clear that Reverend Haggard is a liar, a cheat, a hypocrite and a homosexual. He has been knocked flat on his back side. I cannot find it in my un-Christian soul, or what passes for a soul, to kick him or to condemn him while he is down. Quite to the contrary, I believe this is the time for Reverend Haggard to be given a helping hand, even if it comes from a heterosexual
non-believer.
Earlier in this essay, there was a reference to ignorant prejudice about homosexuality. Homosexuals are born that way2. They do not become homosexuals out of some evil and malevolent desire. Some people are born left handed, some are bald and some are gay or lesbian. I suppose it is the great decider that makes those choices. But if there is a Christian God, it is my naïve belief that he must love all of the creatures that he created.
So you see that I have hope and I have some compassion with respect to our wounded preacher. It grieves me that his congregation and the collection of evangelistic sects have elected to treat him as a pariah. They disdain compassion, while they embrace the bitter grapes of wrath.
Whether one wishes to admit it or not, homosexuality has been with us from the beginning of time. There are some religions, such as the Muslims, who claim that there are no homosexuals in their ranks. May I suggest that they are clearly wrong. If one believes in God, one cannot escape the conclusion that God created homosexuals just the way everyone else was created. If a homosexual couple moved in next door to me, it would be my intent to welcome them with a bottle of champagne. They are trying to make it through this life the same way I am. As Lillie Carr would say, they are doing the best they can.
An amendment in Colorado outlawing gay marriage, which was sponsored mainly by Reverend Haggard, was adopted on November 7th. The supreme irony here is that the ban against gay marriage is now embedded in the Colorado Constitution, while the Reverend Haggard is out of a job and his heterosexual marriage is in shambles. Man, it stretches my compassion and understanding to the breaking point, but Haggard needs a pat on the back, not another kick in the rear-end. It seems to me that if there is an Ultimate Decider, Haggard has simply become the person that the divinity wanted him to be.
E. E. CARR
November 8, 2006
Essay 214
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Kevin’s commentary, in footnote style:
1. Of course he did! What else would you do with drugs you’ve just purchased?
2. I feel like stories like Haggard’s are the best possible evidence, as if any more evidence were needed, that being gay is not a choice. The most vitriolic homophobes are often gay themselves — how much would they give not to be?