I hope that I do not have to establish my bona fides with respect to music. I was raised in the suburban area of a musical town where there were symphonies, operettas, a grand opera, and recitals of all kinds. The name of the town was, of course, St. Louis. It may not rank with New Orleans in terms of music but music was always a part of our lives in St. Louis. I offer this thought not only to establish my bona fides but also to demonstrate that I am a lover of music, not someone who says, “Turn that thing off!”
I cannot say that I can get emotionally wrapped up in symphonic music, but I find it acceptable. The arias from operas and operettas have always had a sense of great interest to me. The songs from Broadway shows have also entranced me. In spite of my views about religion, I find the music of the churches fairly elegant. I find myself humming or even singing a few lines from hymns that were sung some 75 years ago. The only hymn that I draw the line on is a stupid one about “Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam.” When I was asked to join a chorus of children to sing that hymn, I finally took my leave of organized religion.
So if it is established that I am a lover of music, I am here to tell you that the loudspeaker music in our grocery store, for example, is fairly offensive. When I go to the offices of doctors, which happens more often than I would like these days, the entertainment there comes from television, and it is largely revolting.
As you know, I go back a long way. It seems, however, that in recent years the music and the entertainment are offensive to any person who is moved by a decent song or orchestral work.
Let me start at the beginning. But we will concentrate largely on grocery stores and physicians’ offices, a department store, and the music that has come to be identified as “elevator music.” I first started going to a grocery store around the year of 1928. The store was run by John Gualdoni, a magnificent fellow who helped the Carr family through the depression. In that store in that era, the Gualdoni market in Brentwood, Missouri offered absolutely no entertainment whatsoever. The exception might be the insults that were hurled from two clerks, Bob and Louie, and the butcher. I thought that their ribbing and sense of humor were great stuff. I really looked forward to going to Gualdoni’s market because it entertained me greatly. At that food store, there was no need to have a distraction such as television, which did not come along until 24 years later.
Now, however, when I go shopping with my wife twice each week, I am assaulted by a noise that teenagers seem to think is music. Curiously, the teenagers who seem to dominate the music charts are not in evidence at the Whole Foods Market. The music is insistently upbeat, provided by the management I suppose, in an effort to get their clerks to bustle with enthusiasm. It has precisely the wrong effect on the shoppers, who are a sophisticated bunch. I believe that it can be stated that teenagers with their miserable taste in music are not found in a store such as Whole Foods that charges substantial prices for its products.
This upbeat music, with all of its hustle and bustle, simply causes me to say, “Let’s try to get the hell out of here as soon as possible.” If the store wanted to provide music for its patrons, it might pick selections that had a dreamy quality to them. Such dreamy music might encourage patrons to hang around and find something else that they did not need but would buy anyhow instead of rushing to get out of the store. I am at a loss to know who selects the music that is played on the loudspeakers at the Whole Foods Market, but I can tell you that it is basically abominable.
Periodically the music is interrupted by someone saying that an incoming call is on line one or two or whatever. Why Whole Foods chooses this means of communication with its employees and its customers is a mystery to me. The employees drop whatever they are doing to listen to the loudspeaker announcement which says that there is a call from someone for the fish counter or produce or whatever. In short, Whole Foods, which is a thoroughly upscale market judging by its prices, plays downscale music over its loudspeakers. If they had selected a tape of decent music, patrons might well be encouraged to look over the rest of their products and not be in such a hurry, as I am, to get out of the store.
Going back to the old days, occasionally I found myself in a dentist’s office. In that bygone era there was no television of course and the only distractions were news magazines of ancient vintage. The fact that one could hear the drilling on the teeth of other patients was not really encouraging.
In the current era, however, it would be unthinkable for a physician to open an office and not provide some entertainment to soothe his prospective patients. The dentist that I have patronized for many years is a devotee of the morning talk and game shows, as are his helpers. He and his assistants are also interested in the sob stories that are part of television programming during the daytime. They know of my dislike for television and usually turn the sets off. One of the sets is kept on in the front office so the cashier can tell the dentist and his assistant what they have missed. So you see, physicians and dentists feel obliged to provide us with entertainment while we visit them. I really wish that they would not do that, because my intent is to get my body or my teeth fixed. The distractions just prolong the agony. Even our handyman, who is based in the home repair business, keeps a radio at his side as he works. He is a red-hot Republican of the right wing. I can’t imagine that he would appreciate a piece of music. There is nothing that I can do about it.
If I may offer a solution to the problem of being entertained, it would be the Nordstrom model. Inside the main entrance of the Nordstrom store, there is a grand piano. From time to time, a pianist plays music, mostly from Broadway show tunes. Rather than chasing me out of the store, I have found that on at least two occasions, I have hung around the store to hear the tunes and wound up buying something I didn’t know that I needed. I know that not every store can afford a pianist with a large repertoire but at this point I go firmly on record to state that, if we cannot have the Nordstrom model, then our alternative is absolute silence.
And may I add, “What is wrong with silence or a reasonable facsimile thereof?” My belief is that if John Gualdoni, our grocer of many years ago were to enter his store and find upbeat music, someone would probably be shot. I have no problem with being entertained. As a general principle, music is high on my list of entertainment sources. But shopping and visits to the physician’s office are not where I would ever go to be entertained. If we cannot do it in the Nordstrom model, then may I suggest that silence is indeed golden.
E. E. CARR
August 21, 2010
Essay 488
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Kevin’s commentary: I very much enjoyed this essay, though I have no doubt that Pop would find my taste in music similarly abominable. It moves quickly and in some cases does not feature live instrumentation. Then again, what is playing in Whole Foods is likely to not be the music I’m listening to. Probably it is what we call “top 40” music, meaning that is in the top 40 of the “billboard” charts which basically just track pop and hip hop music. This is the type of music that my younger brother will listen to for hours on and, and the same type of music that my poor parents have been strongarmed into listening to by that very same sixteen year old, because they’ve been parenting for a long time and the fight over the radio is simply one they are no longer willing to have.
One other thought struck me as I was reading this essay, namely the one about the dentist’s office. I had an orthodontist in Texas whose lobby had no less than 3 separate gaming consoles. Frustratingly said orthodontist was ruthlessly efficient in terms of managing his staff and patients so I never had to wait more than five minutes for my appointment. Conversely at my eye doctor I routinely wait 30, 40 minutes with the only entertainment being a looping video of all the horrible eye diseases that I might contract.
Pop’s response:
Kevin,
Pop and I want to know what kind of music you listen to? Is it Sound Art?
Judy
My response, which I never wound up sending to them but they can see here:
No, it is not sound art. I am not even sure what Sound Art is, to be honest. I listen to a blend of music which pulls mainly from electronic, indie, and rock influences. Most of this music is upbeat, which is why I suspected that Pop would not like it. I am going to think about an artist that I like that my grandfather might also like, but it may take me some time.
P.S. this essay is why the “objections to modernity” tag is one of my favorite ones. This is an Andy Rooney essay if ever there was one.