Lindsey Graham is the senior senator from South Carolina who is single and in his mid-fifties. So it is a surprise to see him lend his efforts to a campaign about dropping babies. But the fact is that ol’ Lindsey has recently joined the Republican fight which contends that illegal immigrants come to the United States for the sole purpose of dropping a baby. I am also told that such children are called anchor babies.
The theory is that once the child has been born in this country which automatically guarantees American citizenship, it will be difficult to deport the parents, and the child will become the anchor to sponsor the parent’s citizenship. The fact of the matter is that in such a case, the child would have to wait at least until his 21st birthday to start the proceedings to help legitimize his parents. The current waiting line for getting a green card is now on the order of ten years. So dropping a baby in the United States will require a very long time for the payoff, if there is any.
There is another development in Arizona that has me quite concerned. Under Arizona law, a policeman can stop a person on the street and demand that he show his immigration papers to be sure that he is a full-fledged, right-thinking Americano.
I have looked through all of my documents and I cannot find a document that says that the person carrying this document is a full-fledged, right-thinking Americano. As a matter of fact, when my ancestors arrived in this country, they went to work for a farmer or perhaps in the coal mines and never underwent immigration proceedings. I know that I have a passport and I also know that there is the discharge in my name from the American Army. But I gather that those things can easily be dismissed by a zealous cop. Under a New Jersey law, I even have in my wallet a blind driver’s driver license. It is renewed from time to time and I would hesitate to think what I would do if I were to use that license to drive a car.
I am a patriotic citizen who does not wish to cause the American government any more burdens on its taxpayers. Because I lack a certificate saying that I am a full-fledged American, I plan to go to the nearest immigration office and deport myself.
The Fourteenth Amendment has a provision which says that anyone born here in this country becomes a citizen of this country and of the state in which he resides. This amendment was drafted in 1868. Its main benefits flowed to former slaves. I of course am not a former slave. But the burden of the desire to which Lindsey Graham has lent his name seems to reflect the idea that unless we can prove that we belong here, deportation is the next step. This thinking is conditioned upon the idea that pregnant women all over the world are waiting to come to this country with the idea of “dropping a baby” who would then enjoy American citizenship.
When my ancestors came to this country, it is pretty clear that there was no formal immigration procedure. You got off the boat and tried to find yourself a job. On top of that, my parents dropped eight babies into the immigration process. If the procedures to which Lindsey Graham has now lent his name succeed, all of the children of illegal immigrants are obliged to be deported. Simply put, in the view of Lindsey Graham and his cohorts, my ancestors, including my parents, were illegally in this country. Therefore I must go back to wherever it is that I came from.
As a patriotic American who wishes to spare the government any more expense, I plan in the next few days to go to the immigration office and surrender. Now a distinct problem arises because hundreds of millions of people in this country claim Irish ancestry. If all of us are deported to the Emerald Isle, that little country may tip over and sink to the bottom of the sea. I hope that Senator Graham is thinking about this possibility. Miss Chicka, my wife, seems to have a similar problem except that she does not have the state of New Jersey blind driver’s license. One of Miss Chicka’s ancestors came from Serbia and the other from Ireland. When Miss Chicka presents herself to the immigration office for voluntary deportation, do they cut her in half or split her down the middle?
The debate about the Fourteenth Amendment and dropping babies is the product of the American right wing. Nothing will come of it but it will give some right-wing politicians the opportunity to advance in front of their base to show that their patriotism exceeds all others. On the other hand, I am going to stay out of the state of Arizona because I like enchilada peppers. If a cop in Arizona smelled those peppers on my breath, he would lock me up and I would be on the first boat of deportees.
This of course is the silly season for politicians. I had hoped that Lindsey Graham was a more mature fellow than he seems to be. But in a short time, this effort will pass and we will get back to worrying about why the New York Mets have become so miserable. I hope to participate in that discussion, whether I am in this country or the home of my ancestors in Donegal.
E. E. CARR
August 7, 2010
Essay 482
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Kevin’s commentary:
First off, I’m actually publishing this on the 27th of May, so Happy Veteran’s Day to Pop.
Second, you can see more about self-deportation here.
Third, I’ve always wanted to go to Ireland. I wonder if deporting myself would be a cheap way to get there. I’ll need to ask Pop how he fared in his own self-deportation.