You may recall that a few months ago an essay was dictated at this desk that had to do with Bishop Eddie Long who was pastor of the New Birth mega-church in Atlanta. It seems as though Bishop Long had thousands of followers and they clung to every word that he uttered. Not to tell you how smart I am, but I considered Bishop Long a mountebank. In short, I thought that he was a fraud from beginning to end. Now, like so many other pastors, Bishop Long has fallen into sexual impurities and has largely lost his congregation. Like Ted Haggard, who ran a church in Colorado, the problem involves not girls but boys. It seems as though Bishop Long has been involved with boys and has invaded their bodies in a sexual manner. In simple terms, Long is a pederast. There is no other word to describe what Long has been doing to these boys. He is a pederast. He may consider himself a Christian pederast, but in my thoughts, he is still a pederast.
Now, before I go further, I would like to comment that Bishop Long, like so many other preachers, always claims the title of Bishop. Bishop Long and Bishop Haggard had no hierarchy of churches around them, so it is difficult to understand how they progressed from a plain preacher to bishop. Ah, but I am not cognizant of all of the workings of church folks, and I probably have missed a few beats along the way, particularly with preachers who are pederasts.
But now we find that Bishop Long’s wife has become deeply annoyed with Bishop Long’s conduct. I must say that my sympathies are entirely with his wife. I cannot imagine being married to a pederast.
In the latest development in the story about Bishop Long and the boys he has humiliated, we find that he has told his church, or the few remaining church members, that he and his wife are “prayerfully” appealing to God. You will note that Bishop Long made this statement and that his wife has had nothing to say in public about it.
It seems to me that every time a preacher or a politician descends into the infamy of sexual misconduct, he appears to call God into his corner. That was true with the former Reverend Haggard, just as it is true of Newt Gingrich. Gingrich has contended that, in spite of his serial adulteries, God has forgiven him. There are no independent witnesses to God’s forgiveness. You just have to take Newt’s word for forgiveness, just as you have to take the story about Bishop Long.
I am not involved with churchly affairs, having abandoned them at the age of six years. Once again, a preacher when he gets into trouble calls upon God and says that he is “prayerfully” considering what to do. I might suggest that if he had been in prayer, he would not have violated the innocence of the six boys that he has been accused of violating. I have no communication with God, so I will have to guess what is going on inside the Bishop Long marriage. I suspect that Mrs. Long is highly pissed off at the Bishop and has invoked the powers of divorce with respect to him. I must say that she was provoked beyond what any woman should have to endure, and the sooner she rids herself of the lewd and saintly bishop, the better.
Now to turn to secular matters, I find that Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich had a mock television debate during which they tended to praise each other. Now look, the facts are on this order. Newt Gingrich has had three marriages, all of which were preceded by highly discussed dalliances. His current wife, who is 22 years younger than he, is involved in the most recent marriage case.
In the case of Herman Cain, we know that at least five women have come to light who accuse him of adultery. I would suggest that in Herman’s case we should stay tuned because more are on the way, which is why he dropped out of the Presidential sweepstakes on Saturday of this week.
Look at it this way. In professional hockey in the National Hockey League, the contestants vie all year long to win a prize called The Stanley Cup. In horse racing, there are many events where the winner is awarded a cup to signify his victory. In auto racing, which I deplore, I gather that in some events a cup is awarded to the winner.
Gingrich and Herman Cain were involved for dozens of years in dozens of adulteries and other moments of sexual misconduct. I would say that in all matters of decency, as the Gingrich and Herman Cain broadcasts draw to a close, the winner should be awarded the Philanderer’s Cup for his excellence in that pursuit. But unfortunately Herman Cain has withdrawn from competition, at least in public, for his place as a philanderer. So Newt will have to gird his loins and carry on himself in pursuit of the Philanderer’s Cup. But he should remember that Herman Cain, who will be quick to capitalize on any miscues by the Newtster, is still in the wings.
I did not realize when I started this essay that it would take on such a sexual tone. With Bishop Long and Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain, the content was of a sexual nature. I apologize for that. But I advise every reader of this essay to believe that Bishop Long has appealed to God’s better side, thus causing him to miss the divorce proceedings. And as for Newt and Herman Cain, they were over the pale and cannot be rescued by any appeals to the supreme being, particularly from an infidel such as myself. In that case, we will have to do the best we can.
PS: A thought occurred to me after the foregoing was dictated. If the younger clerics of whatever faith are engaged in the buggering of youngsters, it follows that in time as they wait out their turns, they will be promoted to such awesome titles as bishop and archbishop. Are we to believe that every bishop and archbishop of every faith is free from the sin of buggering youngsters? Does it follow that when a cleric is promoted to the higher ranks, he automatically gives up the practice of buggering youngsters? These questions, I believe, are divinely inspired and should be treated as national treasures.
E.E. CARR
December 8, 2011
Essay 615
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Kevin’s commentary: Whelp, now my search history has “pedophile vs pederast” in it. Hope nobody ever goes poking around in there. For any curious, it seems like pedophiles simply want to diddle little boys. If they actually succeed in doing so they become pederasts.
Also clearly the logical conclusion here is that God has commanded said buggering of youngsters; this is the only logical conclusion because God is on the side of the Church and that’s what the Church likes to do. My favorite part through all this has been the Church’s tone of their apologies, which basically boil down to “gee we sure are sorry that we got caught” instead of “gee we are sorry for violating children.” Ugh.
So far as the Philanderer’s cup goes, I have already commented on it here.