About this time in 2009, it was decided that the 2001 Chrysler, which had given impeccable service over the years, should be traded. I used to think highly of my skills as a negotiator but in this case we ran into an implacable enemy. The implacable enemy was the salesman who sold us a new Honda. When I tried to tell him that the car for trade-in had less than 30,000 miles on it and that it had given totally faultless service, the salesman of the Honda said, “You are still trading in a Chrysler.” Now, remember, this was in 2009 when the fortunes of the American automobile manufacturers were as low as they could go.
My wife had her heart set on a Honda Accord. It is a mid-size automobile, which is advertised as of “the sports variety.” At that point, two years ago, I had no place to go as an alternative. So we agreed to take the Honda. While we have owned the Honda, which has about 5,000 miles on it, we have used it primarily to attend medical appointments and to go shopping. Long since, we have given up the idea of using the car for vacations in far-off places. It just doesn’t happen any more. So the Honda was delivered with the good wishes of the salesman from the Honda dealership in Madison, New Jersey, who still insisted that we were fortunate in finding someone to take our 2001 Chrysler.
The Honda sits in our garage and on Tuesdays and Fridays we take it on shopping expeditions. Between times, we use the Honda to keep medical appointments. In the two years that we have owned this car, there has rarely been a complaint about a failure to start. In a lot of respects it is an excellent car. But it does have one characteristic that I find annoying to the point at which I wish for the ride to be over.
The Honda, even on the smoothest of roads, gives a bumpy ride. I realize that this is a so-called sports car, which is supposed to give a bumpy ride. This is on the street where we live, which is a smooth street. Nonetheless, the Honda produces a bumpy ride, even on the smoothest of streets. My wife does not seem to notice the fact that the car is producing a bumpy ride. She has the steering wheel to hang onto and she is consumed with driving this contraption. I was not helped in my description of the Honda as a bumpy ride in terms of Bill Schmidt, who is the owner of a garage where I traded for the better part of 50 years. When Bill took the car, he performed his magic and then brought it back. He reported that the Honda was a superb machine, “gives a sports-car ride.” A good purchase, but having a sports-car ride. My wife is mostly oblivious to the fact that the Honda produces a ride that is turbulent.
I can only conclude that the manufacturers of Honda have a built-in bump enhancer. Perhaps the Honda has square wheels, or even hexagonal wheels. But the net effect when driving is that the passengers experience a bumpy ride. When this car is on a smooth street, the bump enhancer goes to work. It produces a series of bumps. To me, riding in the jump seat, it is more than annoying.
I was not enthusiastic about buying a Japanese car, mainly as a result of World War II. You may recall that in that war we were attacked by the Japanese on Pearl Harbor Day. I am also not given to embracing German cars. The same reason applies, as these were our two mortal enemies in World War II, a combat that resulted in their defeat. In the 60 years since World War II ended, I have tried to make peace with myself. I cannot ever be happy riding in a Japanese or a German car. But nonetheless we bought the Honda.
If I could see, I would try to locate the bump enhancer which gives this car an ominous ride. It is not a matter of having square wheels, I have come to believe. It is a matter of Honda building in a bump enhancer in its automobiles. It is a dependable car I suppose, but the riding qualities are obnoxious. And if one of my comrades from World War II would observe me riding in a Japanese car, I am sure that he would expel me from their ranks. But we have the Honda. At the rate that we buy cars we should not come due for a car until 2018 or 2020. By that time of course, I hope to be gone. In the meantime the Japanese are getting even with those who triumphed in World War II.
In this car, they have made use of a bump enhancer which destroys any connection that a smooth ride is in store for those who drive it or who ride in it. I want Bill Schmidt to know that his help is “unhelpful” in telling us that this was a great car with a “real sports-car ride.” I suppose that it will be a long time before I enjoy a ride in a car. That is because American manufacturers are now leaning toward producing smaller cars which have a sports-car feel to them. But these cars are the antithesis of smooth riding.
As I grew up, I had two cars in the beginning, a 1931 Chevrolet and then a 1937 Chevrolet. The 1937 Chevrolet produced a respectable ride because it had in the front wheels a device called “knee action.” The theory was that when a bump was reached, the car would act like a knee and still maintain a smooth ride. But I fear that the days of smooth riding are quickly coming to an end, if they have not already ended now.
But taking one thing with another, I will still look for the bump enhancer I know is part of the Honda experience. It may give my wife and Bill Schmidt the sports-car feeling but it infuriates me; I am the one to whom it matters. But I can do nothing until it is time for a new car. That occasion will occur long after I have been cremated and spread to the winds. In the meantime, I want Honda to know that I am in on their secret: they have produced cars such as ours which have a bump enhancer which makes even the smoothest of roads bumpy. I expect no acknowledgement from Honda that this is the case. But like it or not, that is the state of the record. Honda produces reliable cars that are bumpy.
Every bump will tell Americans that we shall remember Pearl Harbor.
E. E. CARR
August 3, 2011
Essay 581
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Kevin’s commentary: okay, so the end of this one was pretty darn out of left field but I’m going to leave it be for a second because I feel compelled to come to the defense of the Honda Accord.
I own an Accord. There are few things that must be known about it. First off, it is about as far removed from a sports car as can be imagined. It honestly baffles me that this was the sales technique used with a straight face. Second, its ride is not, in fact, particularly bumpy at all. Just this month I have had multiple opportunities to pilot my boss’s BMW for significant amounts of time. It is a nice BMW that costs probably two to three times what Larry (my vehicle) costs, but to me its ride was not substantially smoother. I am forced to conclude that either Pop’s car has something wrong with it, or Honda messed up pretty badly between the model that he bought and the 2003 model which I own and love dearly.