It is common knowledge that as men grow older, their bodies perform less well. That is of course a fact of life. But medical science will not end until the ends of time are reversed. Men of 75 or so will act as though time had not done its work of deterioration on their bodies.
All of this was brought to mind this morning when I heard a television commercial for a product called “Ageless Male.” Medical science or perhaps I should say medical fiction says that, in support of the ageless male, those of us in the older category are in the process of having lower testosterone. Presumably if one consumes the proper amount of the “Ageless Male” wonder drug, the testosterone will be restored and one will then be able to gambol freely with 20-year-old women.
Unfortunately I can see nothing of the wonders of the television age. In this case, the Ageless Male product is made available to those who can read what the commercial set them up to read. Unfortunately, they did not read it aloud so that I could hear it. This is a goofy way to do business but I suspect that the owners of the Ageless Male product did not figure that many non-sighted people would be watching television this morning.
But the facts of the matter are that hucksters will not rest until the aging male has his pockets fleeced. The ageless male syndrome goes back at least 40 or 50 years in my remembrance. Those of you who keep track of such things may recall the introduction of Geritol to the American medical market. For dozens of years I have wondered what the merits of Geritol might be. So it was that upon my approaching the age of 90, I asked my wife, who was preparing a Walgreen’s order, to include Geritol on that list. I had long since forgotten my request but in the past week Miss Chicka announced that the Geritol order had been filled. I do not request that you take my word for the Geritol product. I am sending herewith a photograph of the Geritol product that is in my possession.
This is my first experience with the Geritol product. In spite of the fact that Geritol has been on the market since at least 1952, it has escaped me. When it was introduced, I seem to recall that at least one druggist in St. Louis sort of winked and said, “It will get you there and keep you there.” So for at least the last 60 years, I have been Geritol-less. When my bottle of Geritol arrived with the Walgreen’s order, Miss Chicka informed me that its main ingredient was iron. I have a suspicion that the Ageless Male product is a take-off of the Geritol potion.
But here we are, after 60 years, still pursuing the same dreams. We are still trying to turn back the hands of time. And men will be fleeced by products such as Geritol and Ageless Male. All of this may not be to the detriment of mankind. Perhaps it shows that the American male has not yet given up on the quest to turn back the hands of time. They know that the hands of time cannot be turned back, but I take pleasure in watching the quest for the impossible dream.
You will notice that the Geritol bottle shows no sign of intake. But I always remember the St. Louis druggist who said, “It will get you there and keep you there.” Perhaps in future essays, I will report upon my consumption of my bottle of Geritol.
On the other hand, I have spent the last 60 years in wondering what in the world was the wonder of Geritol. Perhaps I will preserve this bottle to show my friends and when the television commercials give me the address for the Ageless Male product, I will order it and give you a description of which is better at getting you there and keeping you there.
E. E. CARR
February 3, 2012
Essay 632
~~~
Kevin’s commentary: I am not sure I want to know where exactly Geritol gets and keeps old men. But if it is what I suspect then this is simply the next in a long line of essays about ED, an acronym that is particularly ironic given the author. Maybe I should retitle this blog Ed’s ED Essays. Kinda catchy right?
Unrelatedly I like essays with pictures in them, though they are of no benefit to Pop. Spices up the blog a little bit.
Pop’s response:
Hey Kevin
I fully expect that when you read this essay you were probably anticipating an essay about dicks and snakes. That is the furthest thing from my mind in view of the fact that I have taken up the Seventh Day Adventist religion. Under the rules of that religion, which is closely allied with Joseph Ratzinger’s church, we are forbidden to think about dicks and snakes because it will lead to eternal damnation. I hope this comment will satisfy your curiosity until I finish my bottle of Geritol.
Ezra – Pop
Hey Kevin
I fully expect that when you read this essay you were probably anticipating an essay about dicks and snakes. That is the furtherist thing from my mind in view of the fact that I have taken up the Seventh Day Adventist religion. Under the rules of that religion, which is closely allied with Joseph Ratzinger’s church, we are forbidden to think about dicks and snakes because it will lead to eternal damnation. I hope this comment will satisfy your curiosity until Ifinish my bottle of Geritol.
Ezra – Pop