Vaudeville is now largely dead having been a victim of first radio comedians and later, the comedies appearing on television. In the Catskill Mountain of New York, where many of its patrons are Jewish, there still are “tummlers” who tell Yiddish jokes and who good naturedly insult guests.
My recollection of vaudeville goes back to the Garrick Theater in St. Louis prior to the start of World War II. One standard vaudeville joke had a man with a cigar saying he had told a female, “If I don’t get what I am here after, you will be here after I am gone.” In the days before television, that line was greeted by hearty laugher from the basically male audience.
Many of us regret the passing of vaudeville, but this Meditation is not about its unfortunate demise. It is more about the hereafter as reflected by ecclesiastical figures in the news these days. You’ve heard about the Reverend Pat Robertson’s statement on behalf of the U.S. Government that Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela, should be assassinated. Well, there was more, starting with Bill Frist, who is a big shot leader of the United States Senate.
Verse 1: Frist the Theologian
By training, Bill Frist is a heart surgeon. He claims to have transplanted several hearts. An urgency of one kind or another led him to Republican politics where he is now the majority leader of the U.S. Senate.
Frist has always done everything the White House demanded. And so a few weeks back it came as a surprise for Frist to make a semi-break with the Supreme Commander – Bush, not God – on the issue of stem cell research. He stated the obvious that our present policy would leave us far behind in the effort to cure ailments such as Parkinson’s disease and spinal cord cases. Frist called the White House with the hope that they would not be too angry with him for his proposal that we ought to work on stem cells beyond what Bush had said were the limits.
Then Frist took part in a televised broadcast to churches which was right out of the neo-conservative Republican playbook. Activist judges, abortion, same sex marriages and the like. He was dead set against all of them.
Before that, Frist had lent his medical knowledge to a TV examination of Terri Schiavo whom he declared as certainly not in a vegetative state. The autopsy proved otherwise and Frist said he had made no diagnosis of her condition in spite of the TV record of his action.
By now, it must be clear that we are dealing with a dishonest politician. Frist, who is a Southern Baptist, espouses as all his brethren do, that everyone who intends to go to heaven, must be born again. Yet for political purposes, he adopted the Catholic doctrine that life begins at conception. My suggestion to Frist is that he should simply claim that all applicants to heaven should have undergone not only the born again requirement, but the conceived again experience as well. This is called, in Southern Baptist circles, playing God across the board.
Now we find that Frist, in a bow of obeisance to Bush, has announced that he too believes in Intelligent Design. Gravity, for example, got that way because it was the product of Intelligent Design. Before ID, things could not be held down due to the absence of gravity, hence the surfeit of paper weights.
So you can see that the pious such as Bill Frist would have us making vegetative state individuals live forever with the belief in being conceived again all in the name of some anonymous Intelligent Designers. It is no wonder that my hopes for angel wings seem out of the question until all this is settled. One thing that can be settled now, is that Bill Frist is an opportunist and among the most stupid of all politicians. It wouldn’t surprise me if he will do well in the Republican presidential race.
Verse 2: Standing Shiva
Among those who subscribe to the Jewish faith, there is a lovely tradition that needs greater acceptance and encouragement. Upon the death of a member of the family, the survivors gather for a seven day period of mourning. Friends are encouraged to join in this ceremony by meeting with the family and recalling pleasant memories of the departed one. The process is called a “Shiva.”
The colloquial term for this ceremony is called “Sitting Shiva” primarily because the participants sit in a home to recall pleasant memories. As this custom is adopted by the Gentile population – or at least this one Gentile essayist – it must undergo one basic change which will probably be acceptable to Jewish clerics. The Gentiles, at least in my case, will not be Sitting Shiva, but rather, Standing Shiva.
There is a reason for this revised designation which it is hoped will not offend any of my Jewish friends. Upon my departure to heaven where angel wings will be installed on my back using Phillips head screws, instructions have been left to my survivors that a small party should be held. It will be a one afternoon affair as contrasted with the Jewish seven day period of mourning.
Everyone will be asked to appear say between 2PM and 4PM, which means that there will not be sufficient seats for everyone, thus my mourners will have to stand. A second thusly is that the Shiva will become a Standing Shiva. It seems to me that pleasant memories can be recalled standing up as well as sitting down. On the other hand, at that point, my views may well be ignored.
We are not done yet. If the cost of living stays in the same general ball park, it is planned to offer the mourners a glass or two of champagne on the ground that a drink of that bubbly stuff will encourage positive recollections as distinguished from dire memories. This may look like the mourners are being bought off, but my wife, the estimable Miss Chicka, will have additional supplies of champagne to dispel any thoughts of corrupting the audience in my favor. Taking a page from the Bush campaign, each mourner will be asked to sign a pledge before being admitted to the Shiva that each utterance will start with, “That Ed Carr was a great guy.”
Standing on both feet, drinking the best extra dry brut champagne may be the best innovation in history to come along for what would normally be a doleful time. Remember, this innovation was NOT brought to you by Christian doctors, preachers and monsignors. It is brought to you by a non-involved, non-believer who believed that going out in style called for a toast or two of dry brut champagne which is the only way to go.
Verse 3: Ray Charles’ Mistake
Ray Charles was an excellent entertainer. His style was all his own. He died earlier this year after having reached his seventies. If you have forgotten him, he was a blind piano player-singer. He also fathered 12 children by eight different women, which is an accomplishment by itself.
Not long before he died, Charles told Ed Bradley from 60 Minutes, that his blindness detracted only about one percent from his enjoyment of life. A large, rousing dissent arises from your ancient essayist. In the days of my soldiering, about every GI would say that Ray Charles is politely full of spit. Sorry to say, soldiers talked like that.
When your eyesight is compromised, walking becomes a chore watching out for cracks in the sidewalk or holes in the road. There are times when it is difficult to see if the road is cleared of traffic. Curbs are a menace. When your vision is limited, it is difficult to find your way when paths diverge. The situation at night is considerably worse as there is no structure for orientation. Nighttime may result in walking into telephone poles and all kinds of obstructions.
People with compromised sight tend to walk tentatively. In the world of boxing, when a fighter is on his heels, as distinguished from his toes, it is likely that disaster awaits him. People with compromised vision tend to walk on their heels because of their fear of taking the wrong path and/or because of fear of running into an obstacle.
Indoors, there are all sorts of things that may be knocked over by not being seen. Salt shakers, small potted plants and fine glassware only starts the list.
This is not to say that people with compromised eyesight have no reason for not continuing to live and to enjoy life. Of course not. On the other hand, it says that adjustments have to be made which can be done. But they are adjustments that people with ordinary sight don’t have to make.
There are two points to be made. The first is that people with compromised sight seek no sympathy. One way or another, they will endure. The second point is that Ray Charles, who said that complete lack of sight only detracts one percent from the joy of living, was in the words of old GI’s, completely full of spit. Now if Ray Charles were to talk about his exploits with women, we would all listen and pay attention. Twelve children by eight women – or was it twelve women and eight children – whatever – that is indeed impressive. Ray Charles should have stuck to music and women and forgotten about enjoyment of life. Finally, Ray Charles told Ed Bradley that “You can only make love to one woman at a time.” We wonder what that was all about.
Verse 4: Sunday Segregation
Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated in Memphis on April 28, 1968 by James Earl Ray. Sometime before his untimely death, Reverend King once observed that 11AM on Sunday morning is the most segregated hour of the week. Indeed, it is.
When politicians campaign, they embrace brotherhood of all kinds. When preachers enunciate their sermons, one would think that love of ones fellow man was an idea endorsed by everyone. When the Army sets out to recruit African American youth, one might believe the Army is a benevolent place of love and understanding. George and Ira Gershwin had it right when they wrote, “It Ain’t Necessarily So” from Porgy and Bess.
In New Jersey where this is being written, there are no laws of segregation. People can pick their churches or charitable organizations or political parties. Taking one thing with another, those New Jerseyans seem inclined to associate with others who are similar to themselves.
That is a shame for white people. They miss out on all the good fun and ironic humor of the African Americans who work with them or who serve them. It is a grave mistake to conclude that the good natured African American is unaware of the prejudice taking place all around him in his daily life. Those who find themselves entangled with the police know that there is no such thing as innocence until proven guilty. Those folks know that their job mobility is often foreclosed and that they often work for a lower wage than their white counterparts.
In this general neighborhood, there is a church service on one day of the year that brings together two black Baptist churches and a white Presbyterian establishment. That happens on Dr. King’s birthday. That is good as far as it goes, but it does not alter Dr. King’s observation that 11AM on Sunday morning is the most segregated hour in the week. Maybe it will get better – and maybe it won’t. But my long held conviction is that being friendly with – and showing respect for African Americans – will bring a greatly increased joy to life. It is one more way to honor Doctor King’s life and accomplishments.
E. E. CARR
August 27, 2005
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Pop’s Shiva did in fact take place in a restaurant in the afternoon, and if memory serves, it featured champagne. I’m pretty sure we sat down, though, but still — pretty darn close.
As far as blindness goes, I’d hazard that losing one’s sight at age seven is a lot different from losing it at age 85. I’d imagine that if you ask someone who has been blind for decades and decades how much of a problem blindness poses to their daily life, they are likely to downplay that percentage, because they don’t remember it any other way. By that same token, losing a key avenue for perceiving the world at age 85 would almost always weigh very heavily on that person.