In the last four years of my career with AT&T, I was a Director of Correspondent Relations. The word “correspondent” is an anachronism. It goes back to the days when people wrote to each other and before the use of the telephone. Nonetheless this job required that I should visit other telephone companies around the world and in so doing, I made many warm friends. Sven Lernevall in Stockholm with whom I still correspond by e-mail, not by telephone, is one of them. Another was Jake Haberfeld who was the number two person in charge of telecommunications for the State of Israel. Early in life, Jake had left his home in Poland to become one of the first settlers in what was to eventually become the State of Israel. If there ever was a gentleman’s gentleman, it was Jake Haberfeld.
Somewhere around 1981 or 1982, I invited Kim Armstrong, the newly appointed Director of Advertising for AT&T Long Lines to accompany me on a trip to Italy and Israel. The idea was to acquaint her with the people to whom she would be advertising and my ulterior motive was to encourage her to spend more on advertising Overseas Telephone Service. When we reached Israel, Jake was his usual charming self. When we broke for lunch, Jake said to Kim, “Would you like to visit that certain place?” So I explained to Kim that my friend Jake was referring to the toilet, also known as the water closet, the can or the john. And so from that incident, I developed an interest in euphemisms of all sorts.
In this essay, I will try to make try to make a pass at a few obvious ones. I am in no position to make a study of all euphemisms, but in this short essay I will attempt to mention a few. Already we have the toilet which is known as the WC, the boy’s room, the girl’s room, the powder room, the restroom, the can or the john. I suspect there are other names. In the American army, the toilet facilities are called “latrines.” It always seemed to me that latrine is a French word and should be preceded by either the connecting phrase of “la” or “le.” But I have no influence with the brass that directs the fortunes of the United States military. So it is latrine, take it or leave it.
Children have their own euphemisms for certain bodily functions. There is the “potty,” just as there is pooping, also known as “poopoo,” and peeing or “peepee.” Mothers are to be commended for steering their children through the difficult training years.
When it comes to dining, the act of eating is often called, “feeding your face.” Another euphemism about eating is that “we had a bite to eat.” I suspect that no person in the world has ever settled for only a bite to eat. But it is a nice sentiment.
Where alcoholic beverages are involved, there are terms such as, “had a few too many” or if there were more than a few, it might be said that the drinker was getting “sloshed.” Somewhere between “having a drink” and getting “sloshed,” we have pie-eyed and tipsy, among many others.
When one has too many “bites to eat,” he may add weight to his frame. There are all kinds of euphemisms which hold that a man is “chubby,” or in the case of the female that “she is pleasingly plump.” In point of fact, they may be simply obese or overweight. A very thin woman or other persons might be called “only skin and bones.” In the cases of weight on the human frame, there may be no melodious sounding euphemisms at all.
In the sports world, euphemisms abound endlessly. Taking only baseball, which I understand, we have, for example, the home run. There is nothing wrong in the world with calling a ball hit out of the park a simple home run. But broadcasters and print journalists tie themselves into knots using the word blast. It can be a “two-run blast” or it can be an “upper deck blast.” In the last year or two, the sportscasters have resorted to the phrase “going yard” for hitting the ball out of the park. As a purist who has spent nearly 80 years enjoying baseball, when someone says “going yard,” there is a grinding noise in my mind. May I suggest that home run is quite enough.
In the intimate relations between the sexes, there are several euphemisms. The Bible refers to the man, after having sexual relations with a female, as “knowing her.” In another case in I believe, Leviticus, males are warned not to “lie” with each other. The various versions of the Bible were written years ago and it would have been hoped that better euphemisms would have made their appearance, but obviously, they have not. In view of the nature of my psyche, I will refrain from quoting the euphemisms for intercourse between men and women, except for one from the Ga language which is spoken in Ghana. In that instance, sexual intercourse is referred to as “jig” or “jigjig.” Upon hearing a lively tune, for example, it would be highly inappropriate for one of the former British “masters” of Ghana, to say to a comely female that he would like to “jig” with her. Jigging, and jigjig are different from our understanding of dancing.
I know, as a man of some experience, that “jigjig” has many corresponding phrases in every language. But in my lofty position as an essayist, I will refrain from mentioning them.
There is one other matter having to do with death. One of the euphemisms is “passed away.” In many cases, this term is reduced to simply “passed.” For example, I asked a person some time ago about another person whom I had not seen for many years. It was reported to me that “she had passed.” I concluded that she had died.
Then there is the situation that offers the euphemistic phrase upon the death of a spouse that he or she “lost” his or her mate. Actually, when reduced to the bare essentials, no one “became lost,” but there had been simply a death in the family. Human nature apparently seeks to avoid discussion of death in any form.
As I am dictating this essay, it is a few days before Christmas. At this time of year, the euphemisms abound with respect to the celebration of Christmas and then New Years. I won’t bore you with such euphemisms because you know them already.
Euphemisms are found in the written and spoken word. I suspect that if one tried to locate all the euphemisms in the English language, the list would be endless. And so I leave you with a thought about Jake Haberfeld, which is where this essay was started. Jake’s wife contracted Alzheimer’s Disease and he was determined in his love for her, to care for Mrs. Haberfeld. She died after a time, and the toll of taking care of his wife imposed a major burden on Jake’s health, and he died long before his time. Jake will be missed and this old essaying will always remember the phrase about, “that certain place.”
With all of the euphemisms that are not included here, it is obvious that somewhere down the line when more of them appear to this aphasia riddled mind, another essay on euphemisms will appear. I suppose that you can take that thought and “put it in the bank.”
E. E. CARR
December 22, 2007
Essay 279
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Kevins’ commentary: “That certain place” sounds like a Japanese euphemism to me for some reason — probably because it is SO polite that it winds up being completely vague.
Also I’d like to point out that in an essay about euphemisms for both sports and sex, Pop missed a golden opportunity to explore sports-based sex euphemisms like “2nd base” and the like. Can’t get ’em all, I suppose.