Astonishment at the antics of American politicians does not come easily to this old geezer of ancient vintage. However, the events of the past two days have caused this old gaffer a full-fledged case of complete astonishment.
On July 29, 2008 Barack Obama held a rally in the town of Springfield, Missouri. That city is a pleasant place which has no distinction other than the fact that it is located near the borders of the great states of Arkansas, Kansas, and Oklahoma. During the rally, Senator Obama remarked that, among other things, he did not look like the pictures of presidents that are printed on our currency. I took no notice of that announcement because I believe that I have no resemblance to the pictures on the currency of the United States. But John McCain took great umbrage to the remarks of Mr. Obama and McCain and his handlers flew into a bit of a fit.
All of this flowed from the innocent remark that Obama’s face did not resemble the faces of George Washington or Thomas Jefferson.
Almost immediately, they produced a television commercial with what they called “true celebrities” and dismissed, for example, Obama’s speech to 200,000 Berliners saying that it gave him no right to call himself a celebrity. My recollection is that Obama on no occasion ever made a claim that he was a celebrity. Quite to the contrary, Obama is saying that he is the son of a Kansas farm girl and was raised largely by his grandmother after the father deserted the family at Barack’s age of two. Obama has worked very hard to dispel the idea that he is an elitist. He is much more at home playing basketball with a bunch of ditch diggers and auto mechanics. No claim was ever made in the Springfield meeting that Obama sought celebrity status. Yet McCain and his handlers insisted that by saying that he did not resemble the faces of the people pictured on American currency, Obama was playing the race card. I am astonished that they would make that conclusion as well as by the course they took in their commercial.
My astonishment rose from the fact that they were able to use Britney Spears and Paris Hilton as their measure of true celebrities. Those two self promoters are the stuff of The National Enquirer, a newspaper that is found at the bottom of the stacks of newsstands. One of the reasons that we watch Chris Matthews on MSNBC is that he has long since decided that any mention of those two overindulged “celebrities” would be completely banned from his program. I am told that Britney Spears has even been threatened with confinement in a psychiatric hospital. Being confined to a mental hospital would hardly seem an appropriate qualification for a genuine celebrity.
If John McCain is using Britney Spears and Paris Hilton in his presidential bid, it would be safe to assume that his campaign is in desperate shape.
My astonishment at the alleged reference to the race card brought me face to face with my own case of celebrity, which I now suspect may become an issue of notoriety. On the same day that Senator Obama is alleged to have played the race card, the federal authorities in Washington announced the indictment of Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska, who is the oldest Republican in terms of service in the United States Senate.
The indictment alleges that Senator Stevens accepted the rebuilding of his vacation home with all sorts of gadgets to make it more luxurious. It also alleges that he got a very favorable deal on a Land Rover furnished by the contractor. Senator Stevens overlooked reporting the gifts, which is required under penalty of prosecution, when he signed his name to a form having to do with gifts to politicians of senatorial caliber. You may recall that Senator Stevens is an advocate of the “bridge to nowhere,” which was a bridge costing hundreds of millions of dollars that would serve an island in Alaska with a population of only perhaps 50 people. Senator Coburn, a Republican from Oklahoma, became so angered by the bridge to nowhere that it may never be built. I believe that Senator Coburn is usually an insane man, but in this case I trust that he is on the right track.
But the issue of celebrity with respect to Senator Stevens goes much further and involves your old essay writer. From March of 1966 until September of 1969, the Carr family occupied a residence on Jordan Road in Bethesda, Maryland. In 1968, Senator Stevens was first elected to the American Senate and bought the house immediately next door to my house. For nearly 40 years now, I have let it be known that I owned the house next door to Senator Stevens’ residence, which makes me, in my own estimation, a true full-fledged celebrity. It might also be noted that in the years in question, I was a lobbyist for AT&T who had the great and good fortune to live next door to a United States Senator. In point of fact, I never saw Senator Stevens or his wife or any of the children who resided in the home next to my own. Occasionally two boys, who may or may not have been the sons of Senator Stevens, played a raucous game of basketball in the back yard, but they were never introduced to anyone. There was a sense of foreboding about the Stevens house.
Washington is a town of “out-of-towners” whose desire to make friends in Washington soon becomes obvious. But in the case of Senator Stevens’ house, none of my neighbors had ever visited or associated with the residents of that house. But nonetheless, among my fellow lobbyists I did nothing to discourage the idea that I was close to Senator Stevens in view of our residences on Jordan Road. Now, however, with the indictment of Senator Stevens, I suspect that my celebrity status has begun to slip and that it will be necessary for me to conceal my “non-involvement” with him to avoid a case of notoriety.
But there you have a case of celebrity turning into a case of notoriety. Since the indictment, I no longer introduce myself as the former owner of a house next door to the Stevens residence in Washington. Senator Stevens has demanded a quick trial, which apparently will be held some time in September. If the trial is held in Washington, as opposed to Alaska, I suspect that Senator Stevens will be a full-fledged case of notoriety and my status as a celebrity will go down with the sinking of the Stevens warship. But such are the ways of Washington. Harry Truman said that if you want a good friend in Washington, you should buy a dog. I can tell you from personal experience that Senator Stevens had no dog in Washington, so perhaps he brought this on himself.
If John McCain has the backing of Senator Stevens, as well as the backing of celebrities such as Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, perhaps he will win the forthcoming election in a runaway.
E. E. CARR
August 5, 2008
Essay 330
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Kevin’s commentary: I am afraid that this website has done nothing to reduce Pop’s notoriety. The site has had 1,334 unique visitors since its inception — not a terribly terribly high number, but still not bad! 139 people have taken the time to visit the About Ezra page, to boot. About seven people come read essays every day — I’m not sure this is sufficient to qualify as a celebrity or not; perhaps I need to do more advertising. I wonder if Ted would endorse this website?