I am well aware that there are those in the medical profession who will tell you that your old essayist has no expertise on the subject of conception. There was a time many years ago when I was involved in that process as a part of an experiment by the medicos at Washington University in St. Louis. But that was more than 55 years ago. For all of that great span of years, a thought has lurked in my brain which tells me that more conceptions occur on the Sabbaths than on other days of the week. There is no research to support my contention nor do we have any statistics of any sort that would tend to prove my case. I am simply asserting, with malice toward no one, that love-making takes place on the weekends, which often leads to conceptions. My faith in this proposition is absolute and unshakeable. I take solace in the thought that while I have no research or statistics to back my conclusion, no one else has any research or statistics pointing to the contrary. With that thought in mind, I will now proceed to advance my case.
There are those of us who will argue that the Sabbaths are the dullest days of the week. That is particularly true of the Christian Sabbath which occurs on Sunday. My memory tells me that only the Moslem Sabbaths on Friday are duller than the Christian Sabbaths on Sunday.
I am going to stick with the Christian Sabbath because I know a little bit more about it as distinguished from the Jewish Sabbath on Saturday or the Moslem Sabbath on Friday. On Sunday mornings, people in the western world arise a little later than usual and some may attend church services. Others may eat a leisurely breakfast, followed by perusal of the Sunday newspapers. The Sunday newspapers appear to be a formidable impediment to leisurely activities because of their size. But those newspapers can be dispatched fairly rapidly because they contain so much advertising as opposed to textual concerns. Once the Sunday newspapers are read and discussed, perhaps over a second cup of coffee at the breakfast table, the question arises, “What are we going to do for the rest of the day?”
Before the advent of $3.50 per gallon gasoline, riding around in an automobile was a favorite pastime for many people. But that pastime is uneconomical these days. Christian church services take place before noon on the Sabbath, which leaves the church goers asking, “What shall we do for the rest of the day?” Even the Christian clergy must search for the answer to that question.
During the baseball and football seasons, which start about April 1 and last through January of the following year, there are always baseball and football games to occupy the attention of men and women. But when the Super Bowl football game is played on the first Sunday of February, there is a vacuum that exists until April 1, when the baseball season begins to take over. If one is not a sports fan, the question about what we are going to do this Sunday afternoon will still exist. On the other hand, if one is an avid sports fan, he will be occupied until the great vacancy that occurs after the Super Bowl game is played.
If one were to check the statistics on births, he might well notice a spike in November and December which is of course nine months later than February and March. The younger Carr daughter was born on December 8th, which lends validity to my thesis.
My contention is that Sunday being as dull as it has always been, married people and those who are close friends will send the kids out to play and may well engage in amorous activities that lead to that spike in the birth rate. The Russians are having great difficulties with their birth rate, which is depleting the work force and the marriageable males and females in what used to be called the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR). The Russians used to be atheists, but as far as I can tell, there are plenty of Christians and Moslems in the Soviet world. What needs to be done is obvious. It is to introduce the Carr concept of conceptions. Life in the Soviet Union is dull enough but if the activities of Russian citizens produce more births, it should be considered a patriotic duty. Ah, but the Soviet Union is an extreme example of dullness and even Sundays in the Christian world are not as dull as they are in Moscow. The only saving grace in Moscow is to attend the famous Moscow Circus that pleases everyone from children to people of my age.
Well, so you see, I have no expertise in conceptions but I have always been of the belief that a high percentage of conceptions take place on the Sabbaths. Again I take great comfort in the thought that there is no research and there are no statistics that will prove me wrong, because none exist. Until research is produced that alters my contention that dullness leads to love-making which leads to conceptions, I will cling to my belief, as the Irish say, “until my dying day.”
E. E. CARR
April 16, 2008
Essay 305
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Kevin’s commentary: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww