THE SUPREME NITWIT


If any of my Republican friends desired to cast a ballot in the 2012 Presidential election in favor of Mark Sanford, I suspect that they will be sorely disappointed. As we now know, Mark Sanford is the governor of the great state of South Carolina who abandoned his duty to go court his girlfriend who happens to live in Argentina. The fact that Governor Sanford is married with four children did not seem to bother him. Beyond that, the courting occurred on the weekend that we celebrated Father’s Day. What is disturbing is that he abandoned his duties not only as a father and husband but also his duties to the state of South Carolina.
He topped all of this off by saying that he was hiking the Appalachian Trails. To that end, he put hiking boots in his automobile which, I suppose, were to be sighted upon his return as evidence of his outdoor activities.
But what Governor Sanford did not know as he had been exchanging steamy emails with this woman in Argentina was that they had fallen into the hands of a newspaper called The State, which publishes in the capitol city of Columbia, South Carolina. How the emails fell into the hands of the newspaper is undisclosed. But it is obvious that it knew of his plans from beginning to end.
When Governor Sanford appeared back in this country after a five-day absence, a young female reporter was at the Atlanta Airport to meet him. I imagine that Governor Sanford’s heart must have stopped when she identified herself as a reporter for the Columbia newspaper.
Look at it this way. Governors have real jobs. While he was gone, there was a small tornado in a South Carolina town that he should have known about. All sorts of things happen which governors must be able to respond to. But for five days Governor Sanford was AWOL. From what we know now, he was in the arms of his lover in Buenos Aires.
For all intents and purposes, Governor Sanford has abandoned his marriage to a very bright woman. She has asked him not to come home again, so he is wandering alone in the mansion provided for governors in Columbia, South Carolina.
If I were to revert to the language that we used as World War II GIs, I would have to say that Governor Sanford has messed up big time. His wife seems done with him and there is no great welcome for him in Argentina. So he is attempting to carry on as though not much had happened at all. Governor Sanford seems mistaken in the belief that he can abandon his job and his marriage and go to Argentina and come back without consequences prevailing. I have been asked by two or three persons what would cause a man to perform in the manner that Governor Sanford has performed for the past few days. I claim no expertise at all but I will offer in a cleaned-up version a thought about why men do this.
In the American Army, older GIs have said, “An aroused and an erect member of the male genitalia has no conscience whatsoever.” I will tell you that it took some scrubbing to make that quotation available for Sunday School teachers and the pristine readers of Ezra’s essays.
In dictating this essay, my wife informs me on this Monday afternoon of June 29 that there are other female members involved in Governor Sanford’s exploits. All I can tell you is that Governor Sanford is hell bent on becoming the most notorious nitwit of all time.
E. E. CARR
June 29, 2009
Essay 394
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Kevin’s commentary: Turns out there have been plenty of government officials trying to take that title from ol’ Sanford. From Carlos Danger aka Anthony Weiner taking pictures of his junk, to the current mayor of Toronto admitting to regular cocaine usage, to fucking John Edwards being generally horrible to his cancer-stricken wife… politicians oftentimes do a wonderful job of keeping up their reputation as greedy, selfish, power-hungry assholes.

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