If you are a close follower of the essays that come from this desk, you may recall an essay done last spring. It was called “I’m Gorgeous Inside.” It had to do with a for-sale sign on the house immediately adjacent to this one which had an appendage to the for-sale sign which said, “I’m Gorgeous Inside.” Instinctively, when reading such a sign, I would say, “Yeah, but how about the outside?”
The house next door has now been on the market for a little more than six months. Something must be wrong there because two houses up the street have been constructed and have been sold. Their price was in the vicinity of $3 million each. When that part of the sign saying “I’m Gorgeous Inside” was removed within the first thirty days, the fact seems to be that apparently no one wishes to buy that house.
The original asking price was one million eight hundred and fifty thousand dollars. There have been two reductions. The price is now one million six hundred and ninety five thousand dollars. But still no buyers appear with that kind of money in their pockets.
I don’t propose to be an expert on real estate sales in this corner of New Jersey. But in the case of the current owner, something must be wrong. When they bought the house, as in most cases, they undertook a major renovation of both its exterior and the interior. I am told that the exterior of the house now has sort of an avant garde appearance. No less an authority than Miss Chicka told me that if the prospective buyer were riding around the neighborhood with a real estate agent and came to the house next door, he or she would say from the street that they were not interested in that house and add “Let’s go on.” The on-line real estate description has been revised. It now says: “Highest quality appointments, deep park-like property, valet parking for the midtown direct trains and Millburn schools number one in New Jersey.”
That sounds like a pretty good sales pitch. Whether we like it or not, it hasn’t moved the house. When a prospective buyer reads that transcript, he will find out that the house has been on the market for a bit more than 180 days. In Short Hills, that is an excessive amount of time for a house to be on the market, even in this environment. So, from the beginning the prospective buyer will wonder why the house has not moved yet.
I know a little bit about selling houses in that I worked for AT&T. They frequently transferred employees from one city to another on behalf of the company. In my case, I had moved from St. Louis to Kansas City to Chicago to New York to Washington and then back to New York and then to New Jersey. Along the way I sold two or three properties that I was fortunate to move in less than a month. My next-door neighbor now has had this house on his hands for six months. He does not seem to want to cut his losses. I would be more than willing to help him sell the property, but in point of fact neither he nor his wife has ever exchanged a greeting of any kind with me. They apparently treat the other neighbors in the same fashion. And so he seems to go it alone. He must have deep pockets, which I doubt, but that is the state of the record.
In the renovation of a perfectly decent house, it was turned into a futuristic design. In the kitchen, for example, according to photographs there are no chairs; people sit on barstools. It appears that red has been used excessively in decorating the gorgeous interior of the house. According to my sons-in-law, who have some experience with real estate, the exterior of the house is a bizarre concoction of an architect’s dream.
If I had my way, I would have hoped that the next-door neighbor would have sold that house months ago. If he would talk to me, I would be willing to help him. He came from Brooklyn to this address. I suppose that he remodeled the house according to a picture or some such thing in a fashionable magazine.
If the inside is still gorgeous, we will have to rely on the testimony of a buyer not yet found. Yet the house was put on the market in the spring and here we are now approaching the Thanksgiving and holiday season. Children have gone back to school and selling a house during the holiday season is no walk in the park.
Our neighbors have not been belligerent. They simply have not reached out to their other neighbors for help at a time which must be a struggle for them in trying to unload this property. I suspect that the house was remodeled to their specifications and was going to be a great source of joy to them. But whatever sense of joy will have to come from a prospective buyer, of which none are on the horizon.
So that is my interim report on the gorgeous house next door. More than six months have passed since it was placed on the market. If it were my house, I would be agonizing over the fact that a buyer has not yet appeared.
The price for the renovated house is now pegged at one million six hundred and ninety five thousand dollars. If any of my readers are moved and have a lot of cash and would love to move next door to me and Miss Chicka, this is your opportunity. I suspect that the silence will be deafening. In April of 2011, the house will have been on the market for a full year. At that time, I will give all of you readers an opportunity to become our neighbors. Opportunities such as this don’t come along every day in the week. So cash in your war bonds and your savings, and invest in Short Hills property at 504 Long Hill Drive. Whether you will be happy there remains to be seen, but remember, you would be living next door to Ms. Chicka and myself, which in itself is a great honor.
E. E. CARR
October 22, 2010
Essay 507
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Kevin’s commentary:
Dear Judy,
If it is possible to acquire one, I hereby request a picture of the facade of the house in question so that it may be posted here.
Cheers,
-Kevin