This is a two part essay. In the beginning it refers to While I am Here. Finally, there is a comment about When I am Gone.
Within a month my 90th birthday will occur. I do not look forward to it with a sense of exhilaration nor do I look forward to that event with horror. It is going to happen no matter what my thoughts are.
So in this essay I thought that I should record my thoughts as the inevitable end of life in this “vale of tears,” as my mother would say, reaches its climax. In the first place, I am indebted to all of those hundreds who have enriched my life and made it easier. For example, there has been the friendship of Frances Licht, Howard Davis and Tom Scandlyn. It is hard to believe that Tom and Howard are more than two years older than even I am. I am indebted to those of you who held the doors open for me as I stumbled in my blindness toward an entrance or an exit. I am deeply grateful for all of the courtesies that have been extended to me, particularly in the last seven or eight years.
But more than anything else, I am indebted to Judith Chicka, my wife of more than 25 years, for her solicitude and putting up with a blind husband. I have recorded my thoughts about Judy’s devotion to me in a separate essay. And may I say at this point that her devotion to me – again, as quoted from the Bible – surpasseth all understanding.
Beyond that, I am grateful for the help and support of my children and of the men they have married and of the five grandchildren. I believe at this point that I have thanked every possible person who has contributed to my enjoyment of life.
I view the end of this life in a pragmatic sort of way. I know that for all of us born in the year of 1922 sooner or later there will be an end. So what! I view this end of life with equanimity. I do not believe that I am going to enjoy endless happiness in a place called heaven. Nor do I believe that I will spend eternal life being burned in what the Christians call hell. My life, like everyone else’s, lasts until it ends.
For all intents and purposes, my life should have ended before my 21st birthday. Beyond that, it should have ended before my 22nd birthday. And by both of those events, it should have ended quite probably before my 23rd birthday. This was due to the ravages of the Second World War. So it is clear that for nearly 70 years, I have enjoyed the bonus of staying alive. So nobody owes me anything. During those extra 70 years, there have been times of happiness and heartbreak. But now as we enter the final lap, I have a few thoughts to record here.
To those of you who have read these essays, now numbering almost 700, over the years, I am sure that you will recall that they have been written with no sense of foreboding about death. But I do not believe in the doctrine of eternal life. I believe that is total nonsense. More than anything else, I hold with Ecclesiastes, the preacher, from the Old Testament, when he says, “There is a time to live and a time to die.” My death has been put off for 90 years. I am laughing when I say, “What else can a person expect?”
At this point, I wish to return to the theme of this essay, which is while I am here. If I in my very small way can make any contribution to solving the mysteries of life, it is that the influences of religion be examined. I realize that religion gives some of us a sense of comfort, particularly as the end of our lives may occur. But at the same time I must argue that the sense of comfort is ill-placed and more than anything else serves to block progress in making lives here more endurable or more enjoyable.
My view of churchly affairs is, of course, that they contribute to comfort for the pious. But at the same time, there is no denying that slavish addiction to religion based upon ignorance and addiction to hidebound bureaucracy has a prominent place in religious affairs. For example, look at the practices of Bob Jones University which bars interracial dating. And as for the hidebound bureaucracy, look at the Vatican which continues to insist that stem cell research is evil. How stupid can human beings get? I am fully aware that reading these words will enrage some, but objective observers have to give non-believers a chance to state their case. It is my view that religion is the major obstacle to progress in the affairs of man.
In the case of ignorance, I must conclude that there are churches that in the Protestant tradition insist on the infallible word of the Bible to guide man’s affairs. That plainly is not true. In the former case of ignorance, the Protestants have wrestled with the idea that man’s fate is determined while he is still in the womb. I have in mind the Presbyterian doctrine of predestination. And as for the hidebound bureaucracy, it must be clear to everyone that the Vatican transferred pedophile priests from one church to another in an effort to save embarrassment to the Church.
At this point, I must concede that good also flows from the practice of religion. But at the same time, I must insist that the drawbacks such as ignorance and hidebound bureaucracies have to be taken into account. When that is done, I am more than content with my status as a belligerent non-believer.
I fully realize that this essay will not cause great mirth and happiness in the religious community. But it is something that I wish to say while I am here. Remember that it was Galileo who defied the Church in his insistence that the earth rotated around the sun rather than vice versa. If I have nothing else to mark my time on this earth, it is that I hope that I have contributed toward the removing this sense of ignorance and slavish bureaucracy so that man may proceed to enjoy life in its fullest. If I have contributed in any way toward these ends, I will believe that the time while I was here was well worthwhile.
E. E. CARR
July 4, 2012
Essay 675
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Kevin’s commentary:
Fun Fact: This was actually going to be the first essay on this website, because it’s to me highly representative of the base idea that Pop communicates through what is likely dozens if not hundreds of essays. To me it seems that when Pop is writing, the most major themes are humanity, rationality and kindness; then variation is introduced through the filters which he observes which distorting that humanity. Religion is often one of these, politics are another, that sort of thing. Mix a discussion of these distorting influences in with personal anecdotes from 90 years of life, and you’ve pretty much the closest thing to a “standard” Ezra’s Essay as can be imagined.
The only reason this wasn’t the first essay on the site was simply that it is somewhat upsetting to me and I didn’t want to set the tone of the blog in an honestly morbid manner. This piece is of course not meant to be upsetting or morbid in the least; to the contrary I think his message here is uplifting, but it is nonetheless difficult sometimes to read essays wherein my grandfather writes about what he considers to be his imminent death. Cheery thoughts for a fourth of July, Ed.